Summertime is not always fun

Dear Bloggers,

This is the time of year to make the whole Internet smell like coconut flavoured sunscreen. And campfire logs things that I associate with Summer. And of course the smell of fresh-mown grass.

It's like when you imagine the Internet will sparkle like fireflies and humming bees and butterflies in the garden. Stretch yourself out on your lawn, with that scratchy grass tickling the backs of your legs. Reading a book and fall asleep in the morning Sun.

The smell of grilled burgers on the back deck in the garden. The sound of kids playing in the pool. The sweet taste of a fresh mixed Mocktail, with cubes clinking against the glass on a sizzling summer afternoon.

These are vacation stories. We want to do some crazy roller coaster rides and our summer BBQs and our trips to museums and our lazy days in the garden. Maybe this are our best vacations as we are poor and having trouble to plan a day out. Hopefully one day life will surprise us, we just should not lose hope.

Tell me: Where have your best vacations taken you? Or kept you? Did you go far away, or stay right at home? What are your best vacation stories?
While the stereotypical summer vacation usually involves a caravan or a beach, the vacations most of us take are much less nostalgic and far more varied than that. Or even if there is a beach or a caravan, it’s not the one we see in movies or read in books. They are most of the time less romantic. Some of the best vacations, in fact, don’t involve packing or traveling at all; they happen in the backyard or on the front porch. I am telling you some of our best vacation stories, the ones where things didn’t turn out as expected, where plans changed and so did we. As I share what happened when we step away from every days business for vacation.

We probably won't be lazing away your summer by the pool, but with a little extra planning we'll still be able to create your own kind of magical summer memories.

Lazy days aren't really a thing
My favorite part of summer vacation is lazy days without a single plan in the world. In a perfect world, I would sleep in, enjoy a slow morning while the kids played and then we would all take off on a spontaneous adventure. Yes, did you picture that! The reality is that my daughter, thrives on structure and needs to know exactly what's going to happen throughout the day. And my spouse needs to know in advance what she can expect otherwise she is not capable to manage all the signals from everything around her. Lovely thing that is called PTSD. My other daughter is having a job and so that means our summer activities during vacation need to be planned as it is a school day. Sigh.

To keep things manageable but still fun, providing structured activities for our kid and my wife can reduce their stress and help us all get more from our summer vacation. A bit of organizing nut fun for all of us.
Therapies don't take breaks.

Most of us look forward to the break from the school year. When you're in my position it's a never ending story. There's a seemingly endless round of therapies, and none of them pause for the summer.

If anything, summer is sometimes more hectic than the school year because we have to fit all of these therapies in around those memory-building moments we're we loose track of what day of the week it is. Good luck we need for finding the energy to have a backyard camp out after a long week of shuttling from therapy to therapy! The good news is that often our kids are much less interested in new adventures than we are, and they don't mind taking it easy after a long day of therapies. They drop on the couch with a book or a cell phone.

It costs a fortune to get my wife the care she needs
I swear by my wife's equine therapies and she loves going to them, but they aren't cheap. Plus, she has to be taken there as she is not capable to travel on her own due to panic attacks; she requires special needs for a summer break and needs to be prepared to make it work, and all of these specialized therapies and going to camp out come with a price.

As much as we might want to take our family to exotic destinations or even to the lake for a long weekend, the money we spend on fuel and specialized therapies can leave us with nothing left to spend on summer fun. It's bitter when you work hard but you don't make enough to cover the costs.

Summer fun isn't so fun.
Most kids love going to water parks or play spaces, but for my wife these places can trigger sensory overload. Heat, noise and crowds are the biggest trigger hells, and that can leave us scrambling to fill these endless summer days. There are few places that appeal to kids and that don't get to crowded during the summer, so often we find ourselves spending more time at home (even though we'd really rather be out and about).

This is even more challenging when we have a neuro-typical kid, too. Balancing the needs of kids who are begging to go to the lake or the splash park is always a challenge when the same places they love create anxiety and fear in my spouse. There's no right or wrong answer, but it's easy to feel like we aren't meeting any one's needs during the summer.

Going on a trip is sometimes like a really bad trip to the dentist
I've always loved to travel. But for my daughter, going on a trip is extremely exciting and for my wife anxiety-inducing, even if it's only for a day. She relies on her dogs for comfort and the familiarity and of our home for stability, and being away from them for any period of time is eating all her energy and due to the anxiety she is getting easily upset. 

No matter how much we talk through the details of the trip ahead of time, there's no predicting how it'll go exactly. We've had terrible meltdowns on road trips and perfect planned rides, but the one constant in our travel experiences has been the lack of consistency.

Through the years, I've learned to plan the best I can and just ride the wave of whatever happens. My daughter may have meltdowns and my wife will get triggered in public places, and people may be huge jerks about it, but we enjoy the day out, and the rest of the world can just suck it up and deal with a meltdown once in awhile. Part of being a partner and a dad is the part learning to accept what you can't change and letting go of any and all guilt or embarrassment about it.

There's no break ... for us
It's important to find ways to take care of ourselves over the summer, not just our kids. That's easier said than done when there's few breaks to be found, but if we don't prioritize ourselves we can't be the moms and dads our kids need us to be or the parents we want to be. Being an caretaker dad/husband/man is a huge part of my live, but it's important not let our entire identities become consumed by our parenting either. I need to do silly man things and be a lover even though it's hard sometimes.

Most of all, we all need to remember that it's often a tough path but we're in this together. Find your support group and share your experiences with fellow spouses who have to deal with it as well. Just don't forget the drinks.



The Old Sailor,

Old Sailor on a low carb and cleaner diet

Dear Bloggers,

Eat more of the good. Eat less of the bad. That is what the dietitian told me a couple of weeks ago. And yes I was skeptic until I started losing weight.
That’s the whole idea behind clean eating. It’s all about, well, cleaning up your diet so that there’s a greater focus on whole foods (think fruits, vegetables, protein and healthy fats), and less reliance on processed or refined foods.
The benefits of adopting a clean diet are pretty clear (reduced incidence of disease, increased quality of life, and a longer life expectancy, just to name a few). But ditching the donuts, pizza and mocha lattes can be a lot tougher than it sounds. (Seriously, if you need proof, check out how many people around you are more obese than you?)

The good news is there’s no need to wing it. Here’s your plan to help get your eating on track.Start Clean Eating Without a Hitch

“Trying to loose some weight and the best motivation to inspire change comes from within.”

Pinpoint your reason ‘why.’
Building any new healthy habit will absolutely require some effort, and eating clean is no exception. That’s why it’s so important first to determine what’s inspiring you to change. Maybe you signed up for a race or have a reunion coming up and want to look your best. Maybe you’ve been feeling sluggish and want to increase your energy throughout the day. Perhaps you’re thinking about your long-term health like me as I am a diabetes type 2 and about 40 kilos overweight and I wondered about what I can do to stay healthy in the near future. These are examples of getting motivated, positive reasons to aim for cleaner eating. And that’s a good thing. So I started with checking in with a diabetes nurse and a dietitian.Cleaning up your diet because someone told you to do it, or because you feel guilty about your current eating habits just isn’t as powerful.It has to come from within.

Determine first of all how much time you’re willing to commit.
Making meaningful life changes can often take several months or more. “People need to be aware that any goal worth achieving is going to take time. There is no fast-track to developing life-changing habits,” says a clinical counselor of health behavior change.

After establishing your ‘why,’ it’s time to sit down and think about how much you’re willing to devote to the process, from meal planning and doing grocery shopping, to food preparation and cooking. Making a relatively minor diet twists is like changing your usual snack from a bag of chips to a piece of fruit each day, might be a habit achievable in the short-term. But shifting towards a truly cleaner diet is a much longer-term objective for most. Have an hour to steal from your Sunday TV line-up? That could mean prepping healthy lunches for the entire week. Have 30 minutes a day? How about kicking your greasy takeout habit for good with preparing healthier meals within 30 minutes. Expensive is not the word even on a budget you can cook more vegetables and eat less potatoes for example.

Do a thorough audit of your current diet.
Despite the growing obesity epidemic, 90 percent of our Dutch adults report themselves as having a healthy diet. But how healthy is it really? I kept a food journal, and there’s no escaping the truth, I talked to a certified wellness coach who is training ice skating youngsters. “So often we think that we are on track, but when we actually see on paper what we are consuming, it is easier to tell where we might need to cut back,” he says. He told me to start a food journal (or download a fancy apps), and begin tracking everything you eat and drink for at least three days. This will help you gouge your starting point and allow you to identify any patterns emerging. Next, simply make two lists:

1. The not-so-healthy foods you want to reduce or remove from your diet. Note: If this list gets long, pick three to five obvious choices that you would like to deal with first (e.g. soda, fast food, sugary snacks, etc.).
2. The nutritious foods that are missing from your current line-up. A clean diet focuses on eating high-nutrient foods, not simply cutting out the junk. How many veggies are there? If you’re coming up short, come up with three to five you like most and add those to your weekly grocery list.
   
   
   

Choose your targets wisely.
After listing the less-healthy foods you want to reduce or eliminate from your diet as well as the healthy foods you want to incorporate, the next step is to make some strategic choices. Setting a few small goals that you can consistently act on is a much more effective approach than trying to take on everything at once. And they can add up fast.

Changing your life starts wit selecting one habit…only one habit per month.You can choose any habit whatever you think will have the biggest impact on your life.” What small clean eating habit are you going to target first? And which changes will likely to offer you the best chance of success? At the start of every new month, simply add on from there.

Make your goals specific and measurable.
Let’s say you want to begin the process of cleaner eating by tackling your evening cookie obsession or your bag of chips. But how exactly do you go about defining this goal? Maybe you’ll make a statement based on moderation: “I’m going to stop eating so many cookies.” But what does that mean exactly? Is one cookie per day allowed? Does the type of cookie matter?

Be specific and make your intentions measurable: “I will put all the cookies in the jar and will only take one out per day.” Or better yet, “I will stop eating preserved prepacked treats and allow myself one of these healthier homemade protein bites after dinner.” There is no ambiguity in this statement. You have a clear path that will lead you to control your sweet tooth.

The same goes for adding healthy foods to your diet. Saying “I will eat a low-fat quark instead of bread each day for breakfast” is a specific action that will ensure your breakfast is already healthier than before. It's your life and you choose.

Shop with a purpose.
Just like eating itself, grocery shopping is based on habits. You likely follow a certain route when you hit the store, so be prepared to forge a new course (hello, green stuff and meat!). Bring a detailed grocery list, and stick to it. (Extra tip: Avoid those chips and soda aisles altogether.)

Sure, some research shows that clean eating will put a bigger dent in your bank account than a diet filled with cheap convenience foods, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Some clean eaters practise a meatless Monday to reduce their grocery bills. Looking for in-season products, and buying in bulk are two other ways to keep your food costs down. I am eating sometimes two days in a row the same vegetables to keep the costs in hand. I am saving money by doing it like this.

Meal prep now, eat healthy when it counts.
Last but not least, it’s time to turn those healthy ingredients into clean,wholesome meals you’ll love. Start by searching out simple recipes that you can whip up quickly. You can find inspiration on healthy food blogs around the web, or get one of these free recipe magazines in the supermarket and check out which recipe is something for you.

Sure, preparing a meal is likely going to take a little more work than slapping together some pasta or grilling some burgers or anything like fast food’s, but you don’t have to do it all by hand either. There are all kinds of kitchen gadgets or pre cut that can help get the job done with less effort. And be sure to prepare in extra large batches so that you have plenty of leftovers to freeze for easy clean eating all week long.

When it comes to clean eating or any other health-related goal, achieving a sense of mastery is vital. When you experience success, you are likely to want (and get) more. Keep working on it until it becomes manageable, effortless, or even automatic.

When the effort is gone you’re ready to take on a new challenge, something that will move you closer towards a truly clean diet. What is the next “20%” that you want to work on? Again, the clean eating process takes time. But imagine how you will feel when you can look back, you might be ready to pick up something sporty, and see all the positive changes you’ve already successfully made. 

In my case I started with walking in the park with our dog and with my family. After half an hour I was done. I do this once a week and I challenged myself within six months I pushed myself to walk for 2 hours and approx. 10 kilometres. And yes I lost nearly 10 kilo grammes in the last six weeks. Yes you can do it just be positive.

The Old Sailor,

Freezing cold springtime

Dear Bloggers,


It has been more than 50 years since temperatures were this cold this late in the winterseason in The Netherlands, but here we go again. Temperatures near zero for what many with me are hoping will be the last time this spring.

“I’m definitely tired of it,” I hear one of my passengers say when he hops on the bus, and I see a woman looking cold and beaten by the weather as she went jogging in the pooring rain and hailstone showers, and she didn’t expect this severe weather untill the end of the year, when temperatures start to edge a bit closer to normal.

The normal high temperature for late April is around 15 to 18 degrees, and the normal low is 7 to 10 degrees Celcius which most of Holland likely won’t even see as a high until early next week. The average temperature this time of year is 10 to 17 degrees.

However, temperatures won’t get anywhere near the 10 this week. The highest temperature in the forecast is Sunday’s high of 16 degrees. The closest we’ll get to 20 is Monday’s forecast high of 17.

Temperatures overnight dipped as low as -1 degree at the local weatherstation here early last Wednesday morning. That’s just shy of the coldest April. 20 on record, when it was 1 below zero in 1963.

Although temperatures did not get below zero as expected, subzero temperatures remained a possibility. No one held out much hope that springlike weather will arrive “on schedule” with the arrival of spring in less than a month.

On route I see a man walking his chocolate Labrador retriever, who makes the walks necessary, although the man is wearing a winterjacket and hat and scarf he looks pretty cold he probably will make his daily walk a bit shorter, and will walk more briskly.

In the case of a 48 year old professional bus driver which would be me.in this case. I see a lot of people being sick or having the sniffles, although it is not abnormal but you feel that they are all waiting for the beautiful Sunny springweather, normally they would go by bike enjoying the Sun. The bus has to do it's route. no matter what the weather. Opening the front door in bitter cold is not the most fun thing to do.

Yet another man on the bus, said the weather has been so cold so many times, “I”m getting used to it. … I actually enjoy the cold weather now.”
Snow is not that bad, although the rain is crap but the cold is fine. You just put your winter hat on and your gloves. And just when I thought everyone was sick of winter.

The extreme cold this year has been taking a toll on homeowners’ wallets, too. As the heating has to stay on longer

“No question this has been a very tough winter for many gas and oil consumers.”

I hope that we are getting nice and sunny weather soon. People will cheer up again and my life on the commuter bus a little easier. I will have time to look around me and enjoy the beauty of nature.

Let the Sun shine.........Let the Sun shine.......

The Old Sailor,

Bucket lists why should you wait?

Dear Bloggers,

This time I am writing about the need of bucket-lists and why do many people wait to do these challenges until they are in their last weeks of their lives. You should be doing these things as soon as you are able to fix the things that you want to do the most.

Bucket Lists are all the rage, 10 things to do before you are twenty, 15 books to read before you start university, 8 foods to try before you die. There are many items that crop up time and again, swim with dolphins, climb a mountain, write a book. But what if you spend more time compiling these lists than actually completing the challenges? And are you completing them because they really resonate with you, or because you want to take a selfie to commemorate?

One sure fine way to find out what the really important accomplishments in life are, is to ask the people who are coming to the end of theirs. That is exactly what keeps my mind going. Why is it all of a sudden so important to get these list completed. I wander if they have really lived life when everything was still normal, I can not imagine that you did not fulfill your dreams at least the ones that you can afford.

There is something so profound in the themes that came up in my mind and again. It highlights the importance of living each day fully. Strangely enough swimming with dolphins didn’t come up in my brain, although that’s not to say you should set this goal aside if it is important to you. This is what would pop up in my mind but okay I am not the average guy.

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

This is what I think the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.” When I was wearing a younger man's clothes I travelled a great part of the world and in a later stage of life I started sailing (to get rid of a traumatic impact on my life.)

“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

This is something that many males with me would have on their minds. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also might have this regret, but as most of them only work part time as they take care of the kids as well, many of the females that I know are not being breadwinners. If you get sick you start realizing all kinds of things. And i personally regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.” I wouldn't have missed the years that I have sailed but somehow there are some pieces missing.

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settle for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.” Bitterness is not the way to live your life. I keep somethings inside as I am a man but I am pretty open if it comes to issues. And I am speaking myself out.

“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

Often you won''t truly realize the full benefits of good old friends until you are in your dying weeks and it is not always possible to track them down at that moment. Many have become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There will be many deep regrets, I guess, about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserve.

"I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

This is a surprisingly common one. Many do not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They are stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change makes them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they are so content, when deep within, they are longing to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.” It makes me happy that I do quite a lot of silly things.

What are your thoughts? Do you live life without regrets? What is on your bucket list? If you want to something bad enough, whether it’s starting a business or running a marathon or traveling abroad, you should try to get it done as early as possible in your life. You will have those memories and that experience within you for the rest of your life.

It’s never too late to tackle your bucket-list dreams, or to recognize that your list will grow the more you grow, and the more you learn about the world.

But, when you also give these dreams a sense of urgency and don’t put them off until "the stars are aligned," you’ll be amazed at how much life you can fit into your years.

The Old Sailor,