Men and wanting only one thing

Dear Bloggers,

Sex researchers are peculiar beasts. Armed with their tape measures, clipboards, surveys, and hidden cameras, they seek to provide a peephole from which to scrutinize that most private of spheres, human sexuality.

The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report, 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic.

“Not Tonight, Honey” is a well known phrase for most man and this might lead to sexual frustration. As man are not all that good at being turned down.

The stereotype about the sex-starved man and the disinterested woman may be more than just a cliche. As it turns out, the instant a woman enters a secure relationship, her sex drive begins to plummet. Four years in, a German study found, fewer than half of women wanted regular sex. And after 20 years, only 20 percent did.

Among men, libido held steady no matter how long they'd been in the relationship. Researchers provide an evolutionary explanation—women's sex drive is initially high to facilitate pair bonding. Meanwhile, desire for tenderness showed the opposite trend. Ninety percent of women craved tenderness, but of men who'd been in relationships for ten years, only 25 percent said they hoped for the same from their partner.

In Three Minutes Flat

Judging from the average porn flick, romance novel, or locker room conversation, a Martian landing on Earth would probably assume that intercourse would last somewhere in the vicinity of 40 minutes. But if that Martian were to actually enter into a relationship, he might be in for a big disappointment. Such marathon sessions are the exception to the rule; surveys find that the average sex session lasts from three to ten minutes. Not that any of this should be so surprising as the average hotel porn viewer watches for just 12 minutes.

I was in a conversation the other day (the only thing I do if there are not that many people on the bus and every subject is welcome as the average run is approx 30 minutes) and the passenger has a less boring ride as well.

This particular young lady who is studying social science introduced me to a new level and we got onto the subject of dating. A lot has changed a total new generation has entered don’t ask, you know how women can talk in circles and the woman expressed discouragement because the men she met were only interested in One Thing. According to her this was not what she was looking for in a relationship, she was more looking for a guy that could take care of himself and sex would not be a main thing. For a moment I was puzzled and thought what has happened to this young lady. Has she had some bad experiences with guys.

 

I said “So what?”  It is a fact that half of the populatian of the human male species are only interested in One Thing.  But I think you should not be to careful when dating as men are all hunters it is in there brain from day one. Only this time I added, “Maybe I am only interested in One Thing, too, but is that a problem to have a conversation with me?”  My poor passenger, whom I thought nothing could shock, blanched. And she said: “No of course there is no problem in conversating but you are so open minded that it shocked me.” She smiled and said: “Maybe you are right about the guys there might be some nice personality behind the hunter.” She got off the bus and waved goodbye to me and smiled.

 

The thing is that men aren’t really interested in only One Thing.  But they certainly need to get that One Thing out of the way.  And, the truth is so do women.  At least, once we reach a certain age. If we aren’t looking for a mother or father for our children, or, necessarily a good provider, if we’re looking for a lover, a companion, and a great man or woman to hang with for some measure of the duration, then we need to be honest with ourselves:  doesn’t The Thing count for something? Don’t we want a man or woman who makes our stomach jump, our heart flop, our mouth long for the kiss?  Aren’t we looking for romance and isn’t romance that tingly feeling we can’t explain? Not in all cases it fades away. But my question is: “Isn’t that the reason women get sex and love so mixed up with each other?”  To love someone you have to want them to touch you and this should not all come from one side.

 

I mean, let’s get real.  We’re dating for a reason. We can go to the movies with a friend.  We’ve got our kids to love, our parents to take care of.  We are all grown up now.  We want someone to take our pants off.

 

A good friend of mine said once: “If a man isn’t thinking about pussy all the time he’s just not paying attention.”  It should be a qoute from a golfer he said, no I didn’t look the quote up because it seemed so preposterous, but I did do an informal survey once when I was still sailing but these guys are all a bit special at least that is what i think. All the men agreed that they thought about it all the time. So I am not only a horndog I am also an intellectual and I would further like to explain:

 

“It’s contextual. We think about a thousand things a day, but pussy is always in the mix. Say we’re thinking about the curve of something, even something mathematical. Well, that leads us back to a woman’s curves. It’s like the shape of a Ferrari or a beautiful lined ship. Everything is designed that it gives the feeling of arousal.  It all leads back my dear. And that is how men think about sex every eight seconds.” Great designers are just horny bastards.

 

I would never hesitate to stereotype my own sex.  Recently when yet another old boyfriend got in touch with my wife through Facebook, I sighed. “Is this one divorced, too?  Every time a man gets divorced, he contacts you. I know what they want.”

 

Yeh, the One Thing. But the truth is that over the years some old girlfriends have found me on Facebook and none of them have wanted that. They just wanted to reconnect, see how I was. This may be because none of my relationships, except one, have ended badly and even the one that ended badly did not involve knives or guns or stalking. A lot of Facebook friends probably hope that they did things better than you.

 

Still, with the latest contact, I asked a male friend what he thought this newest woman might want. “I don’t know” he said.  “I’ve contacted several old girlfriends and it was never for that. But then I am sort of a weird man.”

 

You can tell he was a big help.

 

Turns out I was a very fond memory. Which was nice. 

 

My wife and I got The Thing out of the way pretty quickly and I am still married to herckly. Women are way more in control than we like to admit. Men know that. 

The Old Sailor,

Time is going by pretty fast

Dear Bloggers,

Where has the time gone...it seems like yesterday, the day that you were born, made your fist steps and soon I was sending you off to school for your first day of kindergarten and now you're going to high school...

Just typing those words makes me uneasy and a bit sad. When did my little girl become a teenager? How did this happen so quickly and so covertly?

But more importantly, how do I handle being a dad of a teenage girl and doing a good job at least that is what I hope? Some say it can't be done. Dads and teen girls are just meant to not get along--it is written in the cards, as they say. Strange enough we are having our fights but we are still in speaking terms. No problems there. The fights are heavier between her and her mum.

I am determined to do this teenage thing with her successfully though. But I am scared, what if I fail? What if I fail her? I try to be as reasonable as possible and that is sometimes not that easy.

I worry constantly about her now. I always have, of course, since the day I held her in my arms for the first time. She was then and has always been, fiercely independent. I love this about her, and I am nervous for her because of it.



It is hard to get her to listen to and take advice from me or her mum because of her independent nature. She is less likely to compromise because of this quality. On the other hand she is a very shy and insecure kind of person. And that is a very strange mix. It is kind of scarey this in between woman and child personality.But I hope this characteristics of her personality will also keep her from being easily persuaded by her peers as she gets older and spends more time away from my protective arms (shivers down my spine).

I still see so much little girl in her, she is after all, becoming12, not 16. I want to reach out and grab that little girl that sneaks out once in awhile, does something stupid with a girlfriend, cries when I tell her off and hold her close when she is sad. I see it in her smile when she talks about her latest crush, Ralph Mackenbach (Young dutch artist and goodlooking like Justin Bieber.) I see it in her face when she finds out I am taking her shopping for new clothes. I hear it when she is in her room giggling with her best friend. And it warms my heart. And it makes me sad for I know tides are turning.


Ralph Mackenbach

I see the teenager coming out in her when I catch her looking in the mirror at herself, and not looking happy with the reflection she sees back. (“Sorry for the inconvenience caused by the poor screen quality of this mirror”) I hear it in her voice when she argues with me about school work not interfering with Jazz-dancing (though my point was that jazz-dance was interfering with her school work. See what I mean?) I see the teenage girl in my daughter when she wants the latest issue of Tina a Girlie Magazine, and privacy. LOTS OF PRIVACY.



I am worried about the boys. Not my boys, the other boys that will be coming around soon. I am worried about peer influence, drugs, sex, and boys. I am so scared she will be hurt, confused, and will not come to me for advice as she becomes more a teenager and less a little girl. And the boys. Did I mention I am worried about the boys? (Guys you’ll better be good to her otherwise things might get sore).

I want to hold her tight and not let go until she is, say, about 25. Is that possible?

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. ~Author Unknown.

The Old Sailor.

What would you do with one million euro

Dear Bloggers,


And yes last week it happened again for the so maniest time or at least I nearly won the lottery again, I only missed by several digits. (only the last one was right.) My actual winnings were € 27,50 this time just not enough to buy new tickets from. Well maybe next month it will happen enthough I now that winning a prize above € 1.000.000, - is aprox 1 on 20 million people. But why the hell do I buy these tickets? Because there are a few things that I would love to realize even if it was a million euros. I do not need the jackpot of 27,5 million euros. Every price above € 100.000,- is very welcome. At least we could make easier choices.

It’s a fun game, isn’t it? Imagining you have won a million euro windfall and trying to figure out what you would do with it. Or, a different scenario: you work your butt off for 40 years, saving and investing wisely, and eventually get to a net worth of a million euros. Phew. Now what?

A Million Euros isn’t that much!

I think we’re all very aware that a million euros isn’t what it used to be. In either scenario, whether you have worked and accumulated a million euros, or whether you’ve received a windfall, you absolutely cannot go crazy and start spending uncontrollably. Let’s take a look at what you CAN do with a million euros.



Invest for income

This applies to the second scenario – the one where your net worth, after years of hard work, is a million euros. Assuming your investment mix can generate an annual taxable income of 8%, a million dollars can generate an admittedly nice income of €80,000 per year – for many this is all it takes to comfortably retire, and for those of us living in more expensive areas, in major cities along the coast, it would still be a major boost to whatever other retirement income we might have.


Spend wisely

If you get a million euro windfall at some earlier point in your life, when you still have many working years ahead of you, I would advise against viewing this as your ticket out of the workforce. As we saw above, this kind of money generates a nice income – but not necessarily enough to retire on, especially if you’re young and still need to raise kids. In addition, if you start using all the income that your nest egg generates at an early age rather than reinvest, your money will be gradually eroded by inflation.


What would I do?

The things on my own list if I ever received a sudden windfall include non-exciting items such as paying off any credit card debt, loans and home mortgage. I would also reserve a small percentage (anywhere from 1%-5% or up to € 50,000) for helping close family members such as parents and siblings with repaying their own debts and give another 1%-5% to charity.

No splurging at all? You’re so boring

I actually do not rule out splurging a little. It’s normal to want to splurge when you receive an unexpected, large sum of money. I guess in my case I would allocate 1%-5% for splurging – this could go towards buying a new car, a small boat, renovating the house or buying new furniture or art and a cruise of course. Whatever floats your boat, by all means splurge a little on it, but do limit that splurge. It’s very easy to waste away a million euros.


And what about the rest?

So I repaid debt, gave some to family and some to charity, even splurged a little. Let’s assume I was left with half a million euros. Now what? Now I invest, and I treat this as any other investment, creating a mix of stocks, bonds, cash and whatsoever is possible. Whatever asset allocation I’m generally comfortable with. Now I sit back, watch the money grow, rebalance once a year and resist the urge to do anything else with that money, except for enjoying the extra security I now have.

Just believe me when I tell you that money does not bring more luck into your life, it only makes things easier if you a bit more than needed. Just enjoy life and make the best out of it.

The Old Sailor,

Are you still able to work wit FMS

Dear Bloggers,

For nearly everyone I know with Fibromylagia, it is not the pain, or the fatigue, or even the restless sleep that frustrates them the most, it is the feeling of no longer being productive or able to contribute to a normal society. Also the misunderstanding of the illness by other family members leaves deep emotional scars. How many of us have had to quit our jobs or restructure our lives completely because of this illness? Sorry it is not an illness but a so called syndrome and it is not recogneized by the beneficiary services. It is not a health issue but a mental problem. Most of us I am sure. And for those of you still maintaining your lives and careers, it is through sheer strength and will that you are able to do so.

For myself, Fibromyalgia has forced me into a change. I was working in a passenger ships reception at a high-pressure, fast-paced ferry company when I first was diagnosed in 2009. For months I tried to hang onto the position I had spent several years building within the company, but ultimately I had to let it go. It was not an easy choice to make, but it definitely led to an improvement in my life and allowed me to manage my symptoms without the stress and pressure I faced daily as a receptionist. And yes I loved my stressy job.

I became a bus driver and worked for a temps office, able to set my own schedule, and as long as I met or exceeded my and their goals, I could work as much or as little as I needed. Some weeks I worked full-time, others I put in less than 20 hours. My position required me to drive a lot, but all of my rides were within driving distance so I became a master at routing myself and to take advantage of my "good" days and I had enough breaks to recharge for the next run. The planner knew that he could count on me if he needed someone to fill in.

For several years I was pretty succesful and even thrived in my ships career. At the time it was a very compatible career for me. Then in 2009, as I was sailing to one of my destanies, I was hardly able to get out of my bunk, I waved it away as it was nothing serious and I probably would get the flue. And the comfortable life I had spent the last ten years of building up my carrer was shattered in an instant. Even though I had been living with Fibromyalgia for ten years, I had no idea how relatively manageable my symptoms had been. Sure I had some bad days and debilitating flares, but this was only in the winter season. But nothing like I began experiencing after this bloody morning.

So once again I was faced with a decision. I knew I could no longer manage my sailing territory and my health. I could have pursued the opportunity to go on disability, but I was afraid if I allowed myself to be labeled "disabled" I would start to believe that I no longer had anything to contribute. When I ended up at the UWV office they straight away told me that there are no benefits for this syndrome called FMS. This was puzzling me as the Danish government declared me not able to work a full time job and I was also entitled to a disability pension. It made me angry and confused as I was sitting in between two different opinions. And I made the choice to work as a bus driver but in my own speed. Please do not get me wrong I honor and respect those of you who have and need the security of disability, it was simply my personal decision to eliminate that as one of my choices. So what to do then?

For the first time in my life, I decided to follow my passion for driving. I didn't just wake up one day and decide though. It came about out of the natural progression of me trying to manage and improve my health. Things were pretty dark immediately after my job loss. As the weeks and months past, I continued to feel worse, not better. My despair led me to go and do the driving course and exams needed to become a bus driver and to get my license of course. I started driving for the summer period, and this continued until the 31^st of December last year.Unfortunate the contract was finished. 

Thinking about my health and wellbeing, and then a weird thing happened - my life began to come back into focus again. I felt like I had a voice and a purpose again. And then slowly, I started for an other region in the same  company again. Maybe this was not the best choice that I have made. As all other temps I am just another number where no one is happy and among the ones with a steady job sickness is up to more then 10%. I would call it a low social people management close to modern slavery. 

It is by far my least lucrative career, but that doesn't even matter to me. I am healing through my driving, I am reaching out to all of you that there is always something that you still can do, and I am doing something I am passionate about. So do I thank Fibromyalgia for bringing me to this spot in my life. I don't think I will, even though I believe everything happens for a reason, and that I am exactly where I am meant to be, I also think my path was a little too painful for me to be grateful. Maybe I will just be grateful that I made it through.

So this is my story, but I am really curious to learn about all of you. Are you able to work while managing your Fibromyalgia symptoms? Do you simply push through it, or have you made adjustments to allow for the unpredictable nature of Fibromyalgia? Have you had a career change? Are you on disability? And if you are on disability are you still able to earn a supplemental income? Any thoughts you have on working with Fibromyalgia, I would really appreciate if you shared them in the comments. As you might have guessed I am planning to find another place to work again, all in quest for better health and wellbeing. 

The Old Sailor,

Life is fantastic everyday is a new gamble

Dear Bloggers,

Life is just one big gamble - I am convinced of it. Although such as philosophy is generally alien to me, I found myself in a situation the night prior to beginning this blog which really got me thinking.

It was Friday evening. I had stopped working only to sleep in the previous two days. I had arranged to phone a friend and grabbed a beer from the fridge - something unfortunately came up, however, and he couldn't talk to me as he had to work.

Alone, therefore - and tired - I began seriously rehearsing my drinking skills and smoking one cigarette after another (outside the house,  of course!) 

When I heard the familiar strains of, "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers, it was probably the catalyst which really got me thinking about the meaning of life.....

Yes I am a smoker and a drink is always welcome when I don’t have to work. I try to enjoy life as much as I can but it is not always easy.

There are of course tens of millions of people in this world - if not more - who enjoy a social drink now and again. Whether it be a few beers, a couple of shots of whisky, or a bottle of wine with a meal, drinking alcohol can be a way of relaxing, unwinding and mixing with friends and family.

The problem is, of course, that the practise of drinking alcohol can so easily get out of hand. Social drinking can become binge drinking, then acute alcoholism if it is not properly controlled and restricted to moderation. Excessive alcohol consumption sees us taking a very grave risk and essentially gambling with that most precious commodity and the highest stakes of all - our health. Unlike drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes or any form of tobacco is not acceptable, even in moderation. Every time we light a cigarette we are damaging our health and gambling with our very lives. Government agencies and health authorities across the globe tell us the damage we are doing to ourselves in this way and the risks we are taking, yet so many of us still happily hand over our hard earned cash and give the wheel another spin...

 

On the other hand i think who wants to become over eighty when there is no pension left and you have to live in poverty. I hope that the taxes will drop then I can think of quitting. It is a huge income for the government as the taxrate is enormous. If all smokers would quit on the same day many countries would get bankrupt.

In my job as a bus driver I see people crossing streets every day and yes most of them are the suicidal type. How often do you cross the road when the traffic signals, in one way or another, tell you to wait?

Do you view a red light as an inconvenience - a challenge, perhaps? Do you look carefully around about you and decide that it is worth the risk - the gamble? Have you ever attempted to cross the road in this fashion, only to hear the blast of a horn from an angry motorist whom you failed to notice? Do you realise the risks you are taking every single time you perform this action? Do you get a thrill from the uncertainty?

To cross or not to cross?...Heads or tails?...Higher or lower?...Red or black?...What will it be this time...and what will the result throw up...?

Every now and then we gamble with our lives, the question is who has the better cards.

The Old Sailor,