Ilussions of love (in words)

Dear Bloggers,

Love is meaningless or....

Love is an Illusion

Just a while ago, I had observed that older couples are less loving towards each other compared to younger couples.
Naturally, I asked myself .. why so?
I could have settled for a simpler answer like - the feeling has faded or they no longer love each other or whatsoever.
However, I refused to take this for granted.



I remembered myself absurdly asking my female friends about this (to get some female perspectives) during our casual conversations.
But I wasn’t satisfied with the answers… and soon, I gave up.
It was only in recent years, I finally found the answer for this old little puzzle of mine.
I found all my answers on the web, nothing has to stay unknown if you know where to look for.(Google and Wikipedia are great tools.)



The ultimate purpose of human being is to breed and have children and continuing the next generation.
Everything in our life is geared towards that goal.
The survival of species is the ultimate quest in all living creatures.
It’s biological, it’s instinctive, it’s in our Will, something which is beyond our conscious control.
Not surprisingly, that these parts were rediscovered by the next generations again, such as the study of subconscious mind by Sigmund Freud and Evolution by Charles Darwin.

Although they produced their thoughts on paper years ago, they are based on the human being, the species was more important to them than any other matter.
Falling in love is a ‘blind biological urge’ in us - love is basically an illusion which pull men and women together.
Love in our mind is magical, sweet, sensational and is a symbol of happiness.
But little did we know that these emotions come together with Love as a whole ‘package’.
When human are able to get positive emotions out of something, we gain satisfaction.
The brain is giving a special treat if we are satisfied.
And this satisfaction is what keeps our desire alive.

It’s instinctive, and we are basically slaves to our own instinct and desire.
I believe that the truth is ugly.
Marriage is a trap to confine couples together.
Living as a husband and wife means halve both of their rights and double the duties. Having children will require the couples to put in more effort and resources to maintain the family.



It is not easy to satisfy your partner when there are children and she is scared that they might walk in.
Furthermore, one of the two is too tired to take the time to make really love to eachother, and to get a woman started that has known you for such a long time is not that easy.
As she knows all the things that you are not that good at, and she knows how to turn you down.
As a man you feel really hurt, and think that she does not like you anymore.
You are not able to seduce her with only a smile or a little joke.(men can be real insecure about their sexlive.)

She is not busy anymore with reproducing herself and is not worried that her husband will run away from her and their kids.
Maybe is this the key that so many couples are splitting up now a days.
As it is not easy to adjust your feelings all the time.



We got focussed on what was between us in past times, but the Love has changed into Liking you.
That is what we simply forget, eventhough you enjoy the softness of her skin, and the deepness of her kisses when she is aroused.
But making love is different, as reproduction is not the drive anymore.
And why men are parading with a young girl after they got divorced, as these girls bodies and minds are still being fully focussed on reproduction.
Men overall have much higher sexdrive and they regain their hunting skills if they are being turned down to often.
They start doubting themselves between there fourties and fifties.
The so called midlife crisis, were the time comes that the children have grown up and she is not paying enough attention to her partner. At this moment he will start reconsidering if he is not a good enough for her. All men will be a hunter forever it is just the comments of his surroundings or religic backgrounds that might hold him back from doing these things.(If you want to keep him happy, give him enough to live for.)



Therefore, only a force as strong as Love can ‘blind’ us, bringing men and women together under the same roof.
When we are finding our potential partners, we do not think of making babies with them, rather, we think of Love.
It seems that we have no choice but to fall in love and the illusion of love (which gives extreme positive emotions) will conveniently wipe away all the misery of a married life and having babies.

Buddha’s magic word - Emotions arise from Desire, hence an Illusion.

This perfectly answered the question I had and I think it is safe to conclude the reason why older couples are still together is due to respect and responsibility rather than still genuinely loving each other.
They simply got used to eachother with all the ups and downs in their relationship.

I always believe human are polygamous by nature.
But due to the development of human culture (of the different role between men and women), and more importantly the influence of religion such as Christianity, the nature rule has been replaced by human rule, championing the monogamous way.



Hmm...we simply can not afford an extra girlfriend in this expensive luxury lifestyle we are living, that is in at least 90% of the cases.
The ones that can, lead normally a double life as the wife should not find out.
(As poligamy is not accepted in our modern western culture.)
In certain cultures that are less developped than ours, polygamy is not that strange and having more wifes is accepted.
This is of course more natural, even I don't believe in the fact that women have to depend fully on a man.
If one of them complains about having a headache, you simply have a lot more options to have sex.



I whole heartily agree that biological drives are stronger then a reasoning on love. However, I am sure I will never follow his way of remaining single and living in solitude life till the end of my day.
I do want to have a life-long companion (wife) and a family.
This is my reasoning - if human are biologically a social animal and hardwired to fall in love, then why should we go against the nature? Biological is stronger than Reasoning, hence if we insist on following the literal Reasonings, wouldn’t it be a challenging difficulty for human to adapt to this deprived-of-instinct-fulfillment-life?
Wouldn’t it be a distress to live in a life where at one hand, we can’t take love seriously as we know it is just an illusion and on the other hand, we persistently being pestered by our biological instincts to fall in love.
We would be trapped in a no-man’s land.

That to me, is a miserable lose-lose situation.

I had a wicked thought while I was writing this blog.
I questioned, why do parents are willing to put their lives at stake in order to protect their children?

In many circumstances, the parent may even trade life to make sure the survival of their children.
It seems divine and noble in the first glance.
But it is not logical.

If the parents are willing to sacrifice themselves, despite saving their children, they lose their lives.
Not only that, they will have absolutely no control over the fate of their children once they are dead.
(if later on the children faced danger again and die, then the sacrifice of the parents will be futile.)

More logical would be:

If the parents are not willing to sacrifice themselves, their children will die but the parents are able to retain their lives. If they are healthy enough, they could breed again and replace the dead children with new children. They could oversee the growth of these new children and will able to drive their fate to a certain direction.

Many parents will choose the first option, much to the influence of our instinct.
I may sound a little sadist and not politically correct, but I am only treating this just as a daily thought-exercise, nothing more.

This gave me a little idea that human are not 100% rational and logical as we would like to believe in ourselves.
I have to admit that nothing in this world ruled by humans is rational, but this might change some peoples minds.

That we are all living in a bubble, I figured out that I write the best stories when I feel miserable and my relationship knows some troubles at the moment.

I know that it is a lot of wishfull thinking but Old Sailor’s magic words are:”Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,