Salt water and tall stories

Dear Bloggers,

Not to tall for many sailors, but just the daily life of sailors, who sometimes seek a change or being in for a joke. For people from the shore ... Ah just leave it. There are good ones, too, and they can't blame us for that ... As an old sailor, I get into conversation with people and we talk about the good old days.

Likewise with this old sailor who earned his living on the wild seas in the early years after the Second World War he started sailing. Of course knowing something about the seamans life I am interested in his stories. Now he is an old man with a bag full of memories. And yes his past is all that remains for him and his seaman's story is infused with sea salt and the smell of ship's mooring rope. So Iwill tell you one of his adventures.

De kapitein wikt en de reder beschikt, dat is geloof ik een goed Oud Nederlans gezegde.

I will give it a try to translate this.

The captain thinks about how to and the shipowner has the last word and decides, I believe this is a good old Dutch saying.

Anyway, the shipowner came to the conclusion that in Europe not enough money could be made anymore with a ship of this class, but ha ha in West Indies and Caribbean were the well-paid charters for this type of ship just to be picked up and we could get plenty of work. But first of course some small problems had to be solved.

With Panamanian flag and ABS classification, (American Bureau of Shipping) if the gates were welded below decks, we could also carry more cargo, which immediately seemed to look like a gold mine when the captain, helmsman (mate) and engineer slept on the topdeck and the rest of the crew ( foreigners) sleeping below decks did not count as a problem.

So the word was out and things were done, A friend of the owner has a shipyard they could solve that, a few hatches for the intermediate deck were ordered, because that was not complete and we had to see if there was a sextant and a stopwatch to find onboard, crew (4 nationalities) mustered and then we were done an ready to go. Oh yes we still had to find some cargo to get there, but well the shipowner will take care of it and solve it.

And indeed, they found a drill table and parts for the Circle bar drilling company, which had been used in Borkum, and had to go back to New Orleans, nice and heavy (200 tons) to start, so that could be on the midship. And then we needed a stroke of luck, a charter for a shipping company based in Fenchurchstreet in London, good cargo from Shoreham to the West Indian islands and next to Barbados, Saint Lucia and Dominica.

First I had to go to Datema in Amsterdam the bookstore to be, when it comes to sea charts in the present time you just order them in the webshop because Datema is still there (https://datema-amsterdam.nl/zeekaarten), see if we can find some sea maps and pilots from that neighborhood. 

Well i found the most of the maps, only the map of Dominica, was a kind of printed drawing from the Napoleonic era, and this probably left something to be desired, I had seen something like that at the maritime museum in Greenwich, but well there was still no port and we had to lay at the outer harbor and that would solve the problem, so that will succeed.

The loading in Shoreham went well, all the cargo underdecks was loaded and lashed, a few cars were loaded on the front deck, the women on board had to leave, paperwork was ready and then we could go. There was only one issue left that we still had some deck space and free board left, so there was a bit of searching for freight the chances were good and there would be something to move.

And indeed, they found two port tenders that had to go from Cherbourg to Saffi, which could be nice on the back panel and there would be no problems with the free board.

The loading in Cherbourg would take a while, but when the first tender was lifted by the crane, all the alarms went off, the tender was too heavy. They had forgotten to add the weight of the cradles to the weight of the boats, a small overview problem with a real French touch.

There was enough freeboard left and stability was good so there was no problem on our part. the problem with the crane was solved and we could therefore load, lash and leave. The trip to Saffi without any special events. Unloaded and left harbour with destination Las Palmas to bunker. On arrival there it was raining cats and dogs, which did not happen that often, anyway the pilot and the shedcrew would not come out until it was dry. luckily they do better in England, otherwise they would never have had any shipping, but well this was Spain. After bunkering we departured with destination Barbados, after azimuths, sun and stars shooting and with an average speed of 9.5 miles (x 1,852 = 17,59 kilometers per hour.) not much else to do and I decided that the construction and pipe on the boat deck were for the captain to paint, Something which the other crewmembers did not like as, they had never had seen a captain who got his hands dirty, apparently they had no coastal sailingexperience.

Eventually we got to (I can not remember how long) Barbados the island is in sight, which is high standard navigating , because Columbus and his following sailors have missed the island for many years. Okay they did not have a good clock either.

We started with unloading, the cars on the foredeck were nicely dented by the taken over water (waves that roll over the deck), but that was solved by kicking the roof from the inside, and they were as good as new again. In the evening we had to quench our thirst, and it was a pretty big thirst, but no problem there was enough beer in barbados. In the hotel bar where we drank, "the Merry Men" performed with their hits "money is a yankee dollar bill" and "a piece of bamboo" that later became world famous. So very nice this are great memories.

The next day we were almost empty as almost everything was unloaded and we left for Saint Lucia, on arrival telexes from the shipowner and the West of England owners protecion club, not to unload because the shipowner was not yet paid for the new cargo to Barbados and the charterer had disappeared from his office in Fenchurchstreet. After telephone contact with both above and in consultation with the local agent it was decided to "lean on the cargo" via the court in Castries (capital Saint Lucia). Became amazingly interesting because the court in Saint Lucia sometimes works according to English law, sometimes according to code Napoleon and sometimes according to laws that they have made themselves and then of course the international maritime law, Can you still figure it out?

After a few days of talking back and forward, the court ruled that if the owners of the cargo in Saint Lucia had paid the charterer in London and had "sigth of the cargo" to "lean on the cargo" was not legal. So just go and unload. A good start to make all that money, or is this who wants everything loses everything any time.

By the way, Saint Lucia is a beautiful island and I can really recommend it for a vacation.

After unloading cargo, at Dominica, that was pretty tame after all events in Saint Lucia. The load for Dominica had to be eliminated, otherwise we could not unload the drilling table for New Orleans and the value was not enough to start another case. Sigh.....

Being close to the coast (deep) at anchor lying down in Domenica was fun, the local ladies came to do the laundry in a stream with little clothes, this was 1977, when we had already topless ladies on the Dutch and Spanish beaches, or only on the nudist beaches?

Released the drillingtable in New Orleans, the man was glad he had his drill back, and than he asked me how many "wheels" the ship had, and yes, that confused me a bit. Later I thought that the paddle wheels that where still sailing around there had wheels.

Loading wood in Puerto Isabel (Columbia) for Jamaica. Puerto Isabel is a pier in the sea, the electricity goes off at 10 o'clock in the evening (hot beer is the problem) the sea chart of Puerto Isabel just as that of Dominica somehow chartmakers just made duplicats and years later when Nasa renewed the world map it turned out to be somewhere else, but if we could have sailed 40 knots we could have made gold here, but that is another story.

A pessimist is an optimist with a lot of experience.

 

The Old Sailor,

Just another rainy day

Dear Bloggers,

When it was time to leave after working late hours, I rushed to my car and immediately drove home. On the highway, halfway home, the rain began a heavy downpour. It covered everything on my windshield. The heavy rain made it so hard for me to see anything in the road. My windshield wipers could hardly do the job. The radio played Bruce Springsteen's song Tougher than the rest... I dozed off into memory lane back to my younger days when I was a Teen and Cowboy movies came on television. Smoking and drinking were not seen as bad habits. In my younger days I smoked dark tobacco and yes I rolled my own cigarettes. Furthermore I worked as a bartender in a local club so drinking was a common thing as well. And trying some soft drugs was also part of my youth. Not being afraid of what this could cause to my health as we did not know anything about the risks because there was no education about smoking, drinking only about drugs we knew that the hard stuff like heroin could cause a lot of damage. 

I remember that we got to see the movie Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo the story of the teenager Christiane F. who got addicted to hard drugs. This made me realize that drugs could do more damage than what I was aware of. Still I kept on smoking and drinking for several years as the only thing that changed over the years is that I became a Sailor. And yes we all know how sailors are. Well that picture is wrong I can tell you as the work at sea became in the last decades a more dry environment. In the last years of my career at sea there was zero tolerance policy on the ship and that was simply risking your job when you had to come to the bridge for a breathalyser test. Only smoking was a hard to stop habit as crew members still could buy cheap smokes. Some steam engines must have been pretty jealous of me. My engine was running for many hours a day.

When I left the ship I was still smoking a lot but as timeshedules became tighter and it became stressful to find breaks to get a smoke. I decided to stop smoking and that was easier said than done. Somehow after a few fails, I succeeded. It is approx. Ten years now that I stopped and I still can enjoy the smell of smokers that are standing outside at the station. No my life did not become boring it just made many changes in a hard way due to my wife falling ill in that same period. It started all on the day when I slipped on the top of the staircase and ended up in hospital and they told me that I've been lucky that didn't break my neck. As my speech was shattered and I wasn't able to speak any of my foreign languages anymore. 

With some hard work of specialists and some dear friends I recovered and after a couple of years I was back on the ship again. Something in my mind had changed and I became a bit of different person and I took life a bit more serious. When I left the life at sea in 2009 I took my time to decide what to do next. I got my driving license for the bus and started the education for commuter buses in the spring of 2010. I still was a smoker but not that heavy as in my sailing days. Drinking I did only on Holidays and free weekends. 

 

And then I was after a few years one of the regular temps that worked for the same company but in a different town. I enjoy still every minute as this job is bringing as much joy as during my days at sea. I love to take the mickey out of people and yes I still give service whenever possible that's just part of who I am. But when the wind is howling around my bus and rain is smashing in my windshield, the old sailor in me is waking up and salty water is running through my vanes. My face is having that special smile towards passengers and comfort them with the feeling not to worry with me at the steering wheel. And yes bad weather on the road is sometimes as tough as bad weather at sea. You only miss the monstrous waves and the challenge of walking in a straight way. Handling the wheel of bus is different kind of discipline but still a challenge to stay on the narrow roads. 

The only thing is when I have to drive home in this kind of weather I am really being homesick and those days at sea will never return as slowly but surely I am reaching the days that I growing older and my kids are becoming the grown ups in this brand new world which didn't become a lot prettier. They have much more to worry about. Probably they could not life their lives like I did. As the heating in the car seat is doing it's job as a lower back pain reliever. I realize that those days are long gone and my trip down memory lane is the only thing that I have left. No one will take these memories from me. Everyday being home is also worth a lot. There will be some nights that I am driving home in severe weather and my heart is crying a little bit for not being a sailor anymore.

Even though the visibility through my windshield was poor due to the heavy rainfall, I still continued to drive, hoping that I didn't get into an accident on the road. I knew as soon as the rain would come down in a more normal way, it will increase my visibility and chances of getting home safe and sound. Just remember that speed isn't anything it's the matter of getting there.

The Old Sailor,

The Old Vase

Dear Bloggers,

Finally, after a time of moving and renovating (not yet completely finished), I find the peace of mind to start writing again and yes, I have neglected your readers for quite a long time. I therefore hope that you can pick up the thread again and I hope you have not missed me that much. I will try to write again on a more regular base. As you probably know, my love has a complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to her work. She has been completely demolished mentally by two managers at the Royal Telecom Company. It is very sad to see that someone is being robbed of their independence and that those people just get away with it. Lawyers do not see much in a lawsuit and these big companies have so much power that it will be a waste of money to fight for about two years and come to a tipping point what we would call a settlement in the Netherlands. And then I am not even talking about the mental scars that will be ripped open again especially for my wife. No, I want to save her this pain. However, I will try to express what it feels like for us as a family.

Over the years, I have started to dig in deeper into the background of psychology and that a person can put a lot of situations into perspective. A requirement is that you dare to expose yourself and you're not afraid of the opinions of others. You must also be open to slow but certain developments and absolutely continue to believe in yourself and your partner. Together you can achieve a lot, if you are only there for each other.

“I first heard of a psychologist and later a colleague at work about having in-depth conversations. That colleague then benefited greatly from the talks. So I decided to go to therapy. At first only for my wife, but it made me increasingly angry. It was the unfairness of some jerk who thought that if someone did not leave, he would have to take care of it personally. What a nauseous game was played and nobody did a thing. I went with her to the conversations every time. When the therapy that my wife got was still not finished after two years, the discussions continued on and on, but there was not much added value for me. My wife was sliding into a deeper and darker inner person and more and more went to work alone with the therapist. After a huge crisis where she left home and hopped in the car in deep state of dissociation. As we did not know how this would end we called the police and they were looking out for her. Lucky enough she came to her senses and drove back home. The therapist was called and the therapist is now coming at home and therefore she did not have to come with me anymore. ”

“Initially I was rather skeptical about psychosocial in the beginning
support. "I really don't need that." In retrospect, it helped us a lot. We both received concrete and practical tips for our way of thinking. They were often very small and simple things. Of those things that I thought: why didn't I come up with this ideas myself? "

As an example, the therapist draws a vase, which during
the therapy would serve as a metaphor.

This requires some explanation, I think:
"In a" normal "situation, this vase is filled with a lot of energy.
But this vase of ours has a very ugly and deep crack, which drains the energy. This makes the leaves fall off. A solution had to be found here.

At one point she felt a little better again; and her energy was somewhat replenished. Bold that she was, she walked around thinking: "I am as good as new and I am feeling actually better" and went back to her old routines as she was used to. But the vase soon became empty again. That hole first had to be fixed. In the meantime I have learned to think differently and I now deal with it differently. We now distribute our energy better and in a different way. ”

“Occasionally, during the conversations with the psychiatrist and the therapist, it was rather deep in the past. The way of thinking becomes
also formed by what you have experienced. Where the hell does all this fear come from? What gives rise to those gloomy thoughts? Why do you sometimes see things that are not there at all? What are you doing? What do you think? One hundred questions and nothing really changed the lack of energy was every session the biggest problem. In the beginning, the conversations were quite heavy and in the beginning we had to stop often enough halfway. And despite the intensity, the conversation was often uplifting. After such a conversation, we always went on happy. Then we had the feeling: it is heavy but maybe it is not so bad. "

"When we were advised to do more with mindfulness, I thought," that is all too vague to me and really not for me ". But I tried and it helped. We have learned to put things and events into perspective more and more and it gave us both peace. Also in my job as a bus driver where I occasionally meet young people who have been marked for life by stupid harassment, like being bullied. I could put the world around me in perspective a little better. ”

The old porcelain vase that was always so dear to me because it was so beautiful and graceful, we still tried to put the pieces together and glue them together, but even if we did the job so precisely when you look closer you will still see the cracks and the energy is slowly but surely running out of the cracks. It will never be the same again. 

 

Now we have learned that the old vase can no longer be saved, it must be replaced by a beautiful new transparent thin glass vase. "The vase comes like in the good old days on the foreground just like before and it is our new vase," Although the new vase is more fragile than the old one and we have to be careful as it cannot contain as much energy as the old vase. Just let me explain that. The new vase is elegant, fragile and transparent, so you can see that it contains energy. Water gives energy to the flowers. The broken vase has been renewed. Now we have to try to save the withered flowers that have been damaged. We only can try?

The Old Sailor,

Moving house and moving town

Dear Bloggers,

My blog has been on pause for a couple of months due to the fact that we have moved to another town in the North of the Netherlands. We finally sold our property and we moved in to a smaller city home which needs more then a bit of work. But our lives became a bit easier for my spouse and we can afford the price of it. The sale went pretty quick and we had only little time to move on and find us a new place to live. So we are still struggling with the refurbishing process.

Let me take you back about 40 years in time. The house I grew up in had a pretty limited square metres, something I notice every time I visited my parents. The living room is very small and the kitchen is pretty tiny as well.Anyway it was tiny but it was very cozy.

I grew up there with my parents and two older sisters and an older brother. There were also periods where kids who were in the middle of divorce troubles at home and they found a loving and caring home at my mother’s place and my dad had a pony stable and they were to us something like “younger brothers or sisters that just lived with us, too. It was cozy at times, to say the least.
Yet, when I look back on it, I don’t have any bad memories of living there. I don’t recall any situation where things were made uncomfortable due to the smallness of the house. There was always somewhere I could go for privacy. There was always enough room to do things together as a family..

The house we lived until last week was much larger, but the story is much the same. I lived here with my wife and we have two children. I don’t have any bad memories of living here, nor is there any situation where things are really uncomfortable. There is always room for privacy. Only problem was that I could not feel at home here as the house was new and had no charisma according to me.

So, why the bigger house? What does this bigger house provide me that the smaller house that I grew up in doesn’t provide for me? Honestly, the biggest benefit of a larger house is that it provides a lot of room for more stuff. This house offers storage attic, a garage with a huge amount of storage, and big rooms with plenty of room for storage-oriented furniture (like bookshelves).
Naturally, when you have storage space, you tend to fill it. We’ve lived in this house since 2003 and, in drips and drabs, we’ve slowly filled up that storage space.
 

Recently, however, I’ve been thinking more and more about the house I grew up in. In some ways, it’s actually not all that different than the house I’d like to retire in, except with perhaps one more nice room to entertain guests in and a slightly larger kitchen. I would even consider moving into the perfect smaller house right now, even with growing children, And I think that we have found the right one.

So, why would I even consider downsizing? For me, it really comes back to two key things.

That connects to the reason, which is that maintaining a larger house takes more time. It takes more time to clean. There are more things that can break and need to be fixed. There are more things that simply need attention. And since my wife got ill a smaller place is easier for all.

Another reason: The property taxes are higher. The insurance is higher. The maintenance costs are higher. Sure, it’s theoretically growing equity at a faster rate, but that doesn’t help with out-of-pocket costs, and I’m not convinced at all that the growth in the value of the house makes up for the much higher insurance costs and maintenance costs and property taxes.

In other words, living in a smaller home means lower housing bills and more free time, both of which sound appealing to me.
Some people view their homes as a status symbol.
Having a big house is not the sign I look for to indicate to myself that I’m successful. I look at other things. Am I engaged in work that I enjoy? Do I have time for leisure and relaxation? Do I have a good relationship with the people closest to me? That, to me, is success.

Because of that, I don’t feel an external need to own a large house. Several years ago, I did, hence the purchase of our current relatively large house. That sense of a house providing an internal or external sense of status has faded greatly in my mind and, with it, the driving desire to own a large home has faded as well.

Finding the Right Balance

So let’s say I was actually in the market to buy a smaller house. My intent would be to buy this new house, sell our current house, and pocket the difference in value, then enjoy the lower bills and lower time investment. Makes sense, right?

The first problem that pops up is finding the right size. I’m obviously open to a smaller house, but how small?

The challenge that’s left, then, is to deal with the stuff we’ve accumulated over the years in our current home. The boxes in our closets. The furniture in rarely-used rooms. The loft and the shelves in the garage full of all kinds of items.

 
What do we do with all of that stuff?
Closets need to be emptied out and organized. This actually includes a lot of different categories of things, so let’s look at each of those categories.We need to shred old papers. We have several boxes of old papers that simply need to be shredded. At this point, electric bills from 2009 serve no real purpose, especially since we have digital copies of those things. They simply need to be shredded and properly disposed of, which is itself a sizable task.
We need to honestly evaluate our lesser-used items. Almost every closet in our home is full of items that we rarely use. This is a tricky problem because it’s so easy to envision uses for those items, but the honest reality is that we rarely – if ever – use those things.

The challenge, then, is to break through the visions of using the items to the reality that we don’t actually use those items, and that can be trickier than it sounds.

We need to smartly organize the stuff we’re keeping. An unorganized space means that stuff takes up more space than it otherwise would and/or some things are not easily accessible. A well-organized space means everything takes up minimal space while still being easily accessible. Our closets and other storage spaces tend toward the former, unfortunately.

Once we figure out what items we’re actually holding onto, some serious reorganization of our closets and storage spaces need to occur. Things like temporary shelves, wire racks, clearly-labeled boxes, and so on are definitely in order. Think of it as a proving ground of sorts for the concept of having a smaller home.


The idea of moving – and losing such close access to those things – is something that none of them enjoy. I personally don’t have anything that ties me to this location nearly as much, but my family’s needs are pretty important to me.

Second, there is no additional reason to move beyond the time and money savings from a reduced house footprint. We have no reason to move for work. We have no reason to move for school. We have no reason to move for social reason. We have only a real reason to move for improved access to help for my wife. Our new and current location is pretty good in all of those regards.

While I think a smaller home would definitely hit a somewhat sweeter spot, when I compare our home to some of the much larger ones that are in some of the newer housing developments nearby, our home seems pretty modest by comparison. Our energy bills are what I would consider quite reasonable (especially compared to what we paid when we first moved in) and our property taxes and insurance rates aren’t going to improve drastically unless we move much further away from nearby cities.

Finally, it’s honestly going to be a lot of work and we’re already pretty time-strapped. This is more of a “resistance” thing than a real reason for not moving, but without a compelling reason to move forward on it, this kind of “resistance” is powerful at holding a person back from making a move.
So, if the decision is essentially made for us to downsize, what’s the benefit of even thinking about it like this?

 

Well, first of all, no one’s life is guaranteed to ever be the same forever. Over time, many of those factors that work against moving into a smaller home are going to shift and move us toward a smaller home. When our children grow older and leave the nest, many of the factors that encourage us to stay in this house are going to shift and encourage us to downsize. It’s also good to have a smart plan in place if we ever need to downsize for financial reasons or for other personal reasons.

No we have moved and I look back to my younger self, and we bought a smaller house, I’ve sat down and bought
something just a bit smaller with a totally different layout.

 

That house would cost less. It would have lower property taxes and lower insurance. It would also require less time and effort for maintenance. And I wouldn’t actually lose any genuinely useful living space.

Would I listen? Probably not. What I would hope for instead is that I would give more careful thought about my home purchase and what we really needed, which in the end is the purpose of this post.

If you’re considering a home purchase, give some thought to a home on the smaller end of the spectrum. A smaller home will save you money and save you time and it’ll likely not reduce the living space you use every day.

Good luck it will be your choice anyway



The Old Sailor,

Time for a time out

Dear Bloggers.

Due to the fact that my computer is having some trouble and we are being busy during the holiday season.
That is the reason why my blog is on hold for the coming months so I will tell my stories again in the new year.

See You in the year 2018

The Old Sailor,

Tough times and a tough life

Dear Bloggers,



Tough times happen to all of us. No matter how strong or powerful or confident we are, tough times will come: viciously forcing their might on us, causing us to crumble. As mighty as we can feel one day, we can feel just as lost and scared the next.

I don’t say this to cause fear, I say it because it’s unfortunately the truth. The hardest part of tough times is not to lose hope. And even though it isn't easy you have to carry on.

I’ve felt trapped like being under a pile of rubble, no light seeping through, and the rescue workers weren’t coming to save me. It’s a feeling mixed with loss, fear and deflated dreams.

The amazing thing about life (and I’m never going to understand how) is that as long as you’re breathing, you still have a small chance to survive. I don’t care whether you think it’s God, the Universe, or a couple of alien civilizations playing games with us, you always have a chance.

Understand why You are experiencing tough times, But be grateful for what you still have. Yes it sounds easier then it ever will be.

Telling you to be grateful is almost starting to sound cliche. Everybody says it, yet not a lot of people take the time to do it. It’s easy to get lost in cluttered thoughts filled with tumbled-down hope and feel sorry for ourselves, so I understand why we generally don’t make the effort to be grateful. 

But being grateful really helps. It pulls you back into the present moment, allowing you to put your troubles on the back burner, even if it’s for just a short time. It doesn’t matter how you choose to be grateful. You can write out ten things right now you’re grateful for. You can sing to the heavens all the beautiful aspects of your life. You can take a big, giant breath, hold it for ten seconds, give it a powerful exhale and yell, “Yes! I’m grateful for this breath.”

I don’t care, just be grateful, period. If you’re struggling to come up with anything, remember you are, in fact, still alive. That won’t last forever, so take extreme advantage of it.

Remember all the previous tough times You’ve battled through and how You got out of them

You’ve been through your fair share of tough times, am I right? I thought so.

What I find interesting is that you’re still here. You made it through your past tough times even when they probably felt a lot similar to the tough time you’re experiencing right now. Why should this tough time be any different?

Think back for a moment. What positively helped you through? Was it a book, friend, or a family member???? Go back to what helped you through the last tough time. Was there something you did that helped? Just revisit that.

Personally, Bob Marley’s music has always helped me during my tough bouts. It calms me, puts me in a more hopeful mood. But I can get so lost in my struggles sometimes that I forget about Bob’s music. It’s not until I’m proactive about my struggles that I tap into past sources of inspiration and guidance.

Embrace your tough times and explore what options exist to create an even better life. 

 

During tough times you simply can’t give up, ever. Even during the toughest times you must keep your hopes alive by pushing through. Work on what needs to get done, try and build some momentum, and then build on it further.

The last thing you should be doing is quitting, which I slightly hesitate to say because there are some very good reasons to quit sometimes. If You will give up everything is lost.

If you’re passionate about what you want to do, then don’t quit.
If you’re losing your life because of it, well, you don’t have to quit, but take a break from it and get your life back together.
One of my little secrets with my writing is that I write out of my heart and not out of fear. I’m not scared to death every time I type up a story. 

Am I going to make enough money to survive the coming month together with my family, my wife, our kids and our dogs? Is anybody going to even read this one? Is what I’m writing worthwhile, or is it hogwash? Yes my little list of insecure questions goes on and on. 

Somehow I cannot figure out if I do this for fun or do I hope that I will be discovered and earn some cash this way?

If you have been out on a rough sea, you can deal with this tough times as well. So just always keep your head up, believe in yourself, and take life head on.

The Old Sailor,