Whoohooo spring has arrived

Dear Bloggers,

The spring of the year is a favorite season for many people, and it is certainly easy to understand why this is so. The spring is when the earth comes back to life slowly after a long and cold winter, and it is in the spring when the first flowers begin to bloom and the green world begins to return after its winter slumber.

The power of spring and its regenerative effects are evidenced by the fact that every major religion includes a major holiday in the spring season. From Passover to Easter, it seems that every culture marks spring with a celebration of renewal and new life. It is easy to understand how in times past ancient cultures were overjoyed by the power of spring and the beauty of new life.



The spring is an important season for many hobbies, including of course gardening. For the gardener, the spring is one of the most pleasant times in the garden. The spring is the time when the bulbs that were carefully planted in the fall begin to grow and blossom, and the spring is when the first seedlings are carefully nestled in the garden. There is no doubt that the spring is one of the most beautiful, and most colorful, of all seasons for the gardener. And yes it is time to get the garden furniture oiled and get the lawnmower ready for it’s job.



The spring is also a favorite time for home improvement projects that could not go forward while the weather was too cold. Whether it is a small project like cleaning up your driveway or a large project like building a new garage or storage shed, the spring is one of the best times to work at improving the value and livability of the home. In the spring, the weather is neither too hot nor too cold, and the homeowner has plenty of daylight in which to work. It is no wonder that the spring season is one of the busiest for home improvement stores and warehouses.



For the outdoor sports enthusiast, there is nothing like the coming of the spring season. For the fisherman, the coming of spring means the first day of trout season. For the biker, spring means that those favorite trails are no longer impassable due to snow, and for the horseback rider spring means being able to take a ride without being afraid of frozen soil. And of course spring means the opening of girl season, a joy for spectators and players alike. There is a lot of eye candy around when the sun is coming out. Enjoy the beautiful time of spring.

The Old Sailor,

Fibromyalgia and what it did to me

Dear Bloggers,

I was overthinking the times that Fibromyalgia was just coming into my life and I did have a pretty “normal” life. I was not a superman that did loads of sports I was just an average guy. From the age of 16 I got stiff fingers in the wintertime and I blamed it on the cold weather after a couple of years the stiffness of my fingers became a bit worse. It was not bathering me only working on the keyboard of my computer was hurting after a while. I had a good life and I was just a few years recovered after a nasty fall of the stairs which nearly killed me. After learning a lot of things again with help of my neurologist and a logopedist I could get back to work again. But then the first problems rose due to the costochondritis.



I was fairly active, working out regularly by riding my bicycle and going to the gym. I had just joined a Tae Kwon Do class and I was really enjoying myself. It happened very quickly – my wife was driving, we were heading towards the shop, shooting past the traffic in the other two lanes. Somehow my head could not follow and my hands just swelled up and almost immediately and the pain was atrocious! A trip to the doctor yielded no diagnosis. Still confused we left the doctors office but the pain was not fading. After a fw days I saw the doctor again in a pretty bad condition as also my legs gave up on me and the pain was heavier than before It was februari 2008.

I sometimes wonder if the woman who was the assistant of the rheumatologist ever thinks about the words she so carelessly spoke to me after I finally got out of the chair in the waiting area. "Well, It is hitting you hard as see how you get up and you’re walking like an old man." Does she think about where I might be today? Sure, she was a couple of years younger, and I wander if she was thinking could this happen to me as well in a couple of years. Question is if so did she also end up with chronic pain? Fibromyalgia has many different faces as some of us end up in a wheelchair using loads of medication, others like me have found a way to use step by step less medication and started working parttime in a less stressy job. Eventhough you still have bad days it does not effect your life so much anymore.

My doctor of internal diseases has tried everything. The cortisone shots were the worst. As the pain from my costochondritis was the worst and kept me from working. Six months later, I was still limping along using plenty painkillers and crying myself to sleep almost every night, tried a tense pulsing device which was working quite well in the beginning, still I was taking pain pills every four hours, defying the instructions to take them every eight hours. Finally, my doctor of internal diseases decided that the rheumatologist was the next step. I was 40 years old and preparing for my first long term sick leave, hoping to wipe away the pain and decrease the stress in my body. My job was my life and I could not imagine a life outside of the ship. There was still a lot of pressure on me as accepting this disease is not easy. I was pretty unhappy at the current time.



Getting Better

After three months of intensive and several therapies, I could barely walk for twenty minutes as the fatigue was taking over and I would fall into a deep sleep. I forgot everything even to pick up the kids from school, but the daily pain had been greatly diminished and I COULD walk without any painkillers. I didn't cry myself to sleep at night. A success story, if you asked me. I wasn't willing to settle for a live on the shore as the ship was my life, though. I went to the gym every day and walked on the treadmill – slowly at first and not for very long, but gradually worked my way up to running for five minutes. I felt great.

Still not enough, I was trying hard to get back into shape but during one of my bike rides my body fully gave up on me. Before the event, I had talked to my doctor about getting in motion as much as I could and get to talk to a dietician furthermore I talked to him about my inability to sleep and not feeling refreshed upon waking. He gave me some medication, which didn't seem to work very well. Not being the kind of person to complain about such things, I didn't go back to him about it.

Something Going On

The next weekend I jumped on the bike again together with my daughter but I had trouble to keep up with her and this was new to me. So I tried to catch up and yes I did, and I didn't let the strange fatigue hold me back this time. It had been long enough. I told myself I was just being lazy now. I pushed myself as hard as I could, but now, shin splints forced their way on me, and I would finish one kilometre screaming in pain, only a hot shower on my shins for an hour before the pain subsided. I'd go out again, going a little slower this time. Eventually, I'd give up, feeling like I'd just been to the whipping post. Exhausted and in pain, I'd climb back into the shower, telling myself that tomorrow would be another day.

Eventually, I had to admit to myself that I would not be able to ride a bike for a long journey again, and I set my sights on the half of the journey – eager and ready, mentally, at least. My body still tired easily and my muscles ached terribly after a workout. I pushed because I wasn't going to let the pain stop me.



As soon as I cleared the “finish line”, I squatted down and almost passed out. My muscles were "zinging." I had stopped and couldn't go any further.

An Answer to the Puzzle

The muscle aches and pain started not too long after that. I hadn't made a connection between all of my symptoms, so I hadn't told my doctor about all of them. Lack of refreshing sleep; dizziness, which I attributed low blood pressure; irritable bowel syndrome, something I'd always had; muscle fatigue, flu-like feelings on occasion; poor memory at times; all the symptoms were there. Finally, I read an article about fibromyalgia in a popular health magazine. It immediately clicked – this is what is wrong with me. I went back to my doctor with the article in hand and told him, "I think I have fibromyalgia." I was scared, but relieved when he said, "I think you're right."

He sent me to a rheumatologist, who confirmed the diagnosis in the spring of 2010.

Learning to Live with Fibromyalgia

It's been a long learning experience since my diagnosis. I'm amazed that I can feel perfectly normal one day and completely wasted the next. My wife is just starting to recognize when I feel poorly and what we shouldn't do on those days. Those are the days she generously makes my dinner and doesn't expect me to do more than sit in my chair and read. She used to bully me into saying, I am not complaining when I have pain, not understanding just how bad it was. I love her but hate her for not learning enough about how this affects me to look past how it affects her.

"I've tried all the new anti-inflammatory drugs, to no avail. I've learned that one sleep aid makes me hallucinate while another gives me bad nightmares. Yet another left me so drugged in the morning that it's amazing I was able to get out of bed. After all these trials I was pretty much a drug addict and I made some choices about what would be the best bearable medication. So I started to build things down and act a bit slower with less stress.

The phrase "overdoing it" has taken on a new meaning in my life. Washing the car by myself leaves me exhausted for two days. I can still run when I need to, but I suffer the consequences the rest of the day and into the next day. My days of running and biking trips are on major hold, if not permanently ended. My membership at the gym is frozen, but I've learned that Tai Chi does amazing things. Sometimes I have to convince myself that the pain I'll feel afterward isn't so bad, but it is worth it.



I've learned that my "fibro-fog" is just something I have to accept. If I think about it long enough, the word I'm looking for will come. If I write it down, I don't forget it. My free time is now given to caring for myself, my wife and my two daughters, without their strength and mercy, I would be much worse off.

I know eventually my doctor and I will hit upon the right combination of treatments that will allow me to lead a much more normal life. Until then, I glory in the good days and hunker down on the bad days. I know I'll get through them and only God knows what tomorrow will bring. It's not always good, but it's NEVER always bad. My pain pills are with me wherever I go, but that's not such a bad thing.

I've often wondered when and how I got fibromyalgia. Did the fall of the stairs accident a few years ago cause it? Did it just exacerbate symptoms that were already there? Was it the stress in my job on board? Or was it everything together? I'll never know. I've never slept well, even when I was a lot younger four hours of sleep a day was enough. Personally, I think I always had it and that, for some reason, something made it come to a flare up and it's been with me full force ever since. To me, it doesn't matter. My wife still struggles with that question, though.

I am pretty sure that things could have been worse for example that my brain did not get back to where it was after the fall of the stairs or that fall would have killed me. Or what if .......no, no stop it now. It all turned out pretty well for me.

I am thankfull daily for my wife, for my friends and, believe it or not, for my health. I can walk. I can talk. I can work. I can see. I can feel. I can hear. I can love. What more do I need?

The Old Sailor,

What would you do with one million euro

Dear Bloggers,


And yes last week it happened again for the so maniest time or at least I nearly won the lottery again, I only missed by several digits. (only the last one was right.) My actual winnings were € 27,50 this time just not enough to buy new tickets from. Well maybe next month it will happen enthough I now that winning a prize above € 1.000.000, - is aprox 1 on 20 million people. But why the hell do I buy these tickets? Because there are a few things that I would love to realize even if it was a million euros. I do not need the jackpot of 27,5 million euros. Every price above € 100.000,- is very welcome. At least we could make easier choices.

It’s a fun game, isn’t it? Imagining you have won a million euro windfall and trying to figure out what you would do with it. Or, a different scenario: you work your butt off for 40 years, saving and investing wisely, and eventually get to a net worth of a million euros. Phew. Now what?

A Million Euros isn’t that much!

I think we’re all very aware that a million euros isn’t what it used to be. In either scenario, whether you have worked and accumulated a million euros, or whether you’ve received a windfall, you absolutely cannot go crazy and start spending uncontrollably. Let’s take a look at what you CAN do with a million euros.



Invest for income

This applies to the second scenario – the one where your net worth, after years of hard work, is a million euros. Assuming your investment mix can generate an annual taxable income of 8%, a million dollars can generate an admittedly nice income of €80,000 per year – for many this is all it takes to comfortably retire, and for those of us living in more expensive areas, in major cities along the coast, it would still be a major boost to whatever other retirement income we might have.


Spend wisely

If you get a million euro windfall at some earlier point in your life, when you still have many working years ahead of you, I would advise against viewing this as your ticket out of the workforce. As we saw above, this kind of money generates a nice income – but not necessarily enough to retire on, especially if you’re young and still need to raise kids. In addition, if you start using all the income that your nest egg generates at an early age rather than reinvest, your money will be gradually eroded by inflation.


What would I do?

The things on my own list if I ever received a sudden windfall include non-exciting items such as paying off any credit card debt, loans and home mortgage. I would also reserve a small percentage (anywhere from 1%-5% or up to € 50,000) for helping close family members such as parents and siblings with repaying their own debts and give another 1%-5% to charity.

No splurging at all? You’re so boring

I actually do not rule out splurging a little. It’s normal to want to splurge when you receive an unexpected, large sum of money. I guess in my case I would allocate 1%-5% for splurging – this could go towards buying a new car, a small boat, renovating the house or buying new furniture or art and a cruise of course. Whatever floats your boat, by all means splurge a little on it, but do limit that splurge. It’s very easy to waste away a million euros.


And what about the rest?

So I repaid debt, gave some to family and some to charity, even splurged a little. Let’s assume I was left with half a million euros. Now what? Now I invest, and I treat this as any other investment, creating a mix of stocks, bonds, cash and whatsoever is possible. Whatever asset allocation I’m generally comfortable with. Now I sit back, watch the money grow, rebalance once a year and resist the urge to do anything else with that money, except for enjoying the extra security I now have.

Just believe me when I tell you that money does not bring more luck into your life, it only makes things easier if you a bit more than needed. Just enjoy life and make the best out of it.

The Old Sailor,

Sorry we are closed today

Dear Bloggers,




Today I am taking a day off to celebrate another year that lies past me.

Some would call it the day of the big things that came to us. On of the first things that i remember is that we switched from normal black and white to colour television, and we could receive more channels and we had a telephone as not everyone had a phoneline yet. I got my first bicycle and later a moped. And I was able to vote and get my driving licences. I took the decession to go sailing as there was not that much work at the time. We bought our first house and got our children. I have to say that in those 15.705 days that I am on this cruel planet.

As there were also bad things that i remember Martin Luther King was killed, the Vietnam war, the hazardous fire on the Scandinavian Star, the disaster with the Herald of Free Enterprise, the fireworks explosion at Enschede, the attack on the twin towers, the tsunami in Indonesia and her surrounding countries and of course things that happened just around me that loved ones past away from us.

It left happy memories and some deep scars in my inner person.

“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.”

Here are some facts that might be seen as useful information to some of my readers but maybe it isn’t.

· You are exactly 43 years 1 week 2 days 9 hours 40 minutes 57 seconds old.

· You will receive your next birthday gift in 14 hours 19 minutes 3 seconds later.

· If your hair were never cut since 13.March.1968, it would be 6.266 m. today.

· If your nails were never cut since 13.March.1968, they would be 1.555 m. today.

· An apple tree seeded on 13.March.1968, bore 3,818.536 kg. apple till today. Its contribution to economy is €15,236.0 and it fed 6,407 people. We hope that in your life you, as a human being, achieved more than that poor apple tree.

Yes, spring is on it's way

Hang in there! Spring will be here soon.

Dear Bloggers,

Finally winter is moving out as cold and moisty weather is not my best friend I am looking forward to the Spring and Summertime again. The best part of spring is the great smells of new life in the garden. I think that this is natures best period of the yearly cyclus.

I noticed a few daffodils around town blooming this week and was happy to see two in my garden just starting to open. Another first bloom of spring is a lowly dandelion but it does look cheery after months of winter. I'll wait awhile and enjoy it before i pull it. The other sign of the season change is the longer days. Some days it's still pretty chilly but I get to spend some time each day doing some garden chores. What a great way to finish the work day. So here is the first daffodil that i saw.

It seems like a jibe in this weather. The icy blasts that hit you as soon as you leave towards the parking to grab your bus, the mornings are stone cold and the passengers are happy to see you. It is only –2 degrees celcius but the wind is biting cold. The morning dash of coffee and a loaf of bread did nothing to smash the calm blankness of sleep of my wife and kids. Mornings on the bus on Monday are a kind of zombie march. My head is not fully functioning yet, what can you expect at 06:30 in the morning. I have an automatic path that I follow on the route that I have to do as if I am trundling down a fixed railway line.

By the time the cold hands grab the steeringwheel and you drive to your starting point, you see people outside the bus doors on push bikes in that freezing cold weather and you are just partially awake, and my defrosted body enters again to go into chilling. Then into traffic, making little jokes with the passengers, most of the regulars are feeling home on the bus. After my two support rides that I need to do I unload the passengers and drive back to the garage, Sit down. Time to drink coffee.

I like to come home and write as soon as I can. It is already evening as I write this. I wonder, sometimes if the reason that I write is for the following reasons---is it Writers and the act of writing,--- or is it killing my devotional time, as some sort of way to enter aloneness and prepare for final silence? Or is it a well formed habit only designed to make products that I temporarily own and then discard? What is the purpose of weekly writing?

I’m not sure. I think that writing is a way to clarify my mind and my miserable life—as I am only here passing time, like everybody else. Today I write something down; this is true for this minute, but then the next thing I write contradicts what I said or thought about three days ago. Writing is sometimes difficult and somehow endlessly disruptive. When I consider this fact of lack of agreement in anything I write down--the fact that one day--I may be all for one position and the next --not--what this tells me is that I am mirroring my mind that is also as fluid as the writing. In other words, my mind is a thinking machine that functions on chemicals.

What do they do to store--memory--logical thinking processes--emotions--the self? And if everything is stored in neurons--how are they stored? Is memory a simple stockpile of chemicals with half lives that are reached continually and progressively until no memories are finally left? If so --this makes the act of writing down --critica But if what we write down is contradictory, emotional rather than rational, considered useless by our society--is it still worth it to be writing devotedly--as if despite these deficiencies in textual depictions of a mind--it is still a worthy practice to engage in the writing down of a mind?

I suppose this decision is based on what you value. Do you --if you have sufficient time--value working at something that will return you more goods and services--or do you in your free time prefer to do what makes you see clearly into your own small life and its attachments? It depends entirely on value and the type of life you want to live. This type of writing is not valuable if you would rather paint or draw; if you need to work on a career; if you prefer other activities. But if the main method of learning for you (and your main interest is learning) is to use words in multiple ways--then writing is a weekly practice that unknots and untangles a great many small minor problems a human being can encounter in a life. It also serves to waken up that human being to luck and good fortune.

I only think about nature sometimes when I am driving and my mind is at ease. After a few days I will sit down and write about it. I only think about the good fortune to be married to a kind, loving woman like my wife and the extreme luck of having two daughters, when others have no kids. Writing practice inevitably introduces you to the grace of your own extreme luck in being born into such a life of privilege.

Even the long winter is a lucky matter for it makes spring and summer like desserts after a long tedious meal of rubbery food. Outside the winter wheels and grinds us down to nothing. The pond that is still filled with a thin layer of ice that is close to my house.

Winter is the ultimate season. The poor trees stick out like old timers TV antennae and looking very dark on the horizon. And winter paints them with icy colours, It is all very beautiful –if you are sitting in the writing room like I am out of the battering fists of the wind, sympathetically appreciating the troubles of the ice cold conditions that nature has to go through, like the the locked in birds, the hares and deer that live right near here along in the bloody forest that gives them also shelter as well.

Usually I’m hanging on the couch together with my wife and watch some Tv at this time of the day. But today, I’m sitting behind the computer and my wife is leaving me alone without any resistance or whatsoever. The weather is a powerful incentive to writing—encouraging me by the hammering cold windy fists on the house walls. Crocusses and daffodils are showing their face that is the sign by the extended care that says—Spring is coming soon—but just not today.

The Old Sailor,