When winter is a time of reflection than spring must be a new beginning.

Dear Bloggers,

The daylight is finally staying a little longer again although the dark months are not over yet. For some, this period is a time of reflection. A time to reflect on all that is and to be grateful for coziness and togetherness. Others suffer from the gloomy weather and find it a bit more difficult to reflect their thoughts, yet everyone is looking forward to the spring that occasionally comes back to us with a nice bit of sunshine. The warm plaids and cuddly cushions will soon make way for cheerful summer colors in the house, the fireplace will be lit for a few more atmospheric evenings and candles will be taken out of the cupboard once more. Let this cozy period last just a little longer.

Time to save our energy

But for others, this dark and cold period is a struggle rather than a blessing. The fact that the days are shorter and darker means that the sun gives us its lovely rays of light less often and for less time. Less sunlight affects our mood and energy levels. And that is only logical! Just look at the nature around us. Autumn and winter are the seasons that symbolize stillness and reflection. Old ballast is released. Trees and plants drop their leaves and the sap flow stops to conserve energy. Animals retreat to their nests or hibernate for the same reason: to conserve their energy. With high prices, we as humans also have to be more frugal with our energy in the form of heat so a little coziness from candles also gives a little extra warmth.

With us as humans, it does not work differently. We too are nature beings and a part of the big picture and have to deal with these natural laws just as much. Only, over the centuries we have increasingly lost our contact with nature. We get further and further away from our intuition and often don't even know how the most basic things in life work anymore. The further you are away from your own nature, the less you listen to it, the more inconvenienced you are by the dark period of the year. Sounds logical right? Do you recognize yourself in this? Then it's time for a change.

Follow the rhythm of nature

The coming months are a great opportunity to reflect. The dark period of the year helps you turn inward. Follow this natural rhythm. Delete non-essential energy-hungry appointments from your diary and leave plenty of empty spaces. You may turn your antennea inwards, inside yourself. Experience how you are really doing right now and what your wishes and desires are. Consider this period an excellent opportunity for reflection, for stillness.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Find a place for yourself in your home and make sure it is cozy, warm and atmospheric. Go and enjoy yourself to the full and take pen and paper with you and ask yourself the following questions:

- What do I need right now?

- Where have I failed myself recently?

- What old patterns and habits do I want to let go of?

- What am I afraid of?

- Which sides of myself would I like to discover further?

- What do I want to spend more time and attention on in the coming period?

- What does my dream life look like? Where will I be? What will I be doing? Who will I be?

- What do I really want?

Ask yourself these questions and listen to the answers that come naturally to you. Don't reason the question or answer with your mind, but try to answer it purely intuitively. Is your answer to the question "What do I really want?" that you want to open a restaurant in Bali as a cook, but are now a teacher in a kindergarten? Then write down your wish even before your brain tells you that it is stupid and not achievable anyway. Be intuitively present and let go like a little child. Don't think too quickly in limitations but imagine that really anything is possible, without brakes. Visualize what your life would be like if your desire is fulfilled.

By ignoring your desires, you turn your back on yourself

Some of your desires may be very big and concrete fulfilment of them would mean a rigorous switch in your existence. Yet it pays off to name and write down your mental and physical desires and your emotional wellbeing. Ignoring them and shoving them under the carpet all the time will negatively affect your constitution. Ignoring dreams means ignoring yourself. Your wishes and desires have the right to be named and explored in any case. Perhaps answering the questions above will bring things into focus that you can change in a very simple way on your way to fulfill your dreams. Ultimately, it is also important that you link concrete actions to the fulfilment of your dreams. But for now, it's all about that first important step: giving yourself the peace and opportunity to dream and express your desires.

How do you make your desires tangible?

It is important to get to know your desires and then hold on to them. Make that as a  commitment to yourself. If you don't, chances are very high that they simply will melt away like snow in the sun.

4 tips to make your desire tangible

- Go Draw and just to be clear: you do not have to be an artist to illustrate your desire on paper. Keep it simple and draw for example an object that symbolizes your desire. Or draw yourself the moment your desire is fulfilled.

- Make yourself a vision board this is almost the same as a mood board you make for your interior. Again, you start working with images to visualize your desire and make a collage of it. For example, use magazines and leaflets to express your feelings in pictures.

- Start writing like what I do and write about how you want to fulfil your desires. See it all before you how it feels when your desire is fulfilled. How do you think, what do you do, who is with you and so on. And if you are not a word artist then you can just write it down your way you just have to do it for yourself.

- Find an object with which you associate your desire and which from now on symbolizes that which your desire is for. This is a very simple way that takes little preparation or effort. Pick a nice spot where you often see the object and place it there with the intention that you will fulfil your desire. Seeing the object will be a trigger and reminder for you every time you see it.

Why you shouldn't take action just yet

Take the time to discover your desire. Connect with it by dwelling on it regularly. Making your dreams tangible in a way outlined above ensures that you consciously connect with them. In this way, you lay a solid foundation in yourself from which you can later stand up for the fulfilment of your wishes with conviction and inner strength. Later... because the time is not yet ripe to step out in a big way. Even in nature, the seeds are still hidden in the ground, waiting for the right time to come out. Which does not mean that nothing is happening, because in the meantime, the underground roots are forming. With the germination of something new, comes a calm energy, trust and resignation. In nature, this happens naturally. For us as humans, the challenge is to surrender to that natural rhythm and not force anything with our willpower. So be careful not to take any rash actions now in this phase of silence and reflection. Later, in the still silent early spring, when the seeds have germinated under the ground and nature indicates that it is time to step outside, then you may take action

.

Feeling your impatience

Do you feel impatience? Do you want to go faster than the situation allows? Observe your inner restlessness. Find out where it comes from, but don't give in to it right away. Don't let your impatience lead you. Exercise yourself in surrender. Deep inside you know that you should not force a growth process by rushing into action. You often regret that afterwards. Only take action if you feel 100% certain that it is the right action at this moment. Don't feel that certainty? Then trust that the time for action is yet to come. Because now, now is the ideal time for rest and reflection.

Stay calm and unwind.

The Old Sailor,

Having a relationship with a partner with Complex PTSD

 

Dear Bloggers.

 My spouse was the engine of our family and made my life easy for many years by doing all our financial things and a lot in raising our daughters and was a star in cooking and everything that you would love to see in a loving and caring partner and mother. Until 2011 everything was fine when a manager at her job as a Call Centre agent was telling her everyday that she smelled bad. After battling with this issue the company decided to rearrange her to an other team so she could recover from this. In the beginning this looked quite alright until this manager started to manipulate her in the form of gaslighting her mind. And yes he went far by even telling her that she should leave her partner and she was absolutely not worth to be here at all. I found these things out after several years that he had destructed her mentally.

 

The effects of Complex PTSD can disrupt lives and devastate romantic relationships. If your partner is living with this condition, your support can help them heal trauma through treatment. Learn your responsibilities in your romantic partner’s treatment and help them begin the journey to recovery today.

 

We had a fair romantic relationship together, I knew quite some of her past. I knew she had fled her home in the middle of a prolonged and violent relationship several years earlier; aware of her reluctance to talk about her past experiences, I respected her feelings and didn’t press for details. At night, she sometimes alternated between severe nightmares and prolonged bouts of restless sleeplessness. She accused me of hiding secrets from her and claimed she could not trust me and that I was planning to hit her. We lived a romantic and happy life after some time and she was getting used to the fact that not all man are the same and that your partner can be loving and caring.

 

 After many years living together, we decided to get married and however, I became aware that having a steady job was necessary as a part of her present life. I did a lot of small contracts in several businesses and I should find something more stabile for the whole year round. After serving my time in the army I became restless and could not deal with certain kind of people. Which made my life difficult as I needed some adventure and from that point of view I started a job as a waiter on passenger vessel. Not ideal when you are young and in love with the most beautiful woman that you know. In 2009 my career at sea ended due to reorganization in the company I worked for and I was laid off in a good way. The gave me some money to build a new career and I got paid quite well on the dole.

 

I took some time for myself to reflect on my career and what was still a dream for me. And I got my driver’s license for the bus and took off on my new job as bus driver through a temps office. We were a good team together as I was more at home we divided the jobs with the kids and the household jobs. She had build a career as a Call Centre Agent and was hired by the biggest phone company who just had started on internet and television through the internet. She loved her job and was always happy to help customers with their problems during the years the Company was pressing more and more towards targets and numbers. Not always you can solve a problem in five minutes. She was fully focused on fixing it directly. Very service minded towards the costumers care. Until they had totally smashed her brain in the beginning of 2014. She was suffering from things like not being able to pick up the phone and talk in full sentences. The manager she had was a real A-hole and a bastard towards her. It still makes me angry that you can be such a low life to destroy a human being with no reason.

  

 

We went to the doctors office and were send to a psychologist to get professionally help, it turned out that she had a variant of PTSD known as Complex PTSD. While PTSD, a mental illness that causes severe recurring anxiety and fear, may come about as a result of a single traumatic event of relatively brief duration such as a serious accident or a violent assault the trauma that triggers the onset of complex PTSD is prolonged and repeating, lasting for months or years. Examples of such trauma include long-term physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, a lengthy captivity, or, as in my wife’s case, a struggle to survive. Complex PTSD, also known as C-PTSD, is harrowing and devastating for the sufferer; the effects of this condition may also create stress for their romantic partner.

Comprehensive and careful professional treatment for C-PTSD is necessary for recovery. As this condition may create trust issues and inhibit the formation of interpersonal bonds, treatment may also be needed to heal romantic relationships damaged or destroyed by the painful effects of complex PTSD. If someone you love has C-PTSD, your support and empathy can aid in their recovery and repair your strained relationship.

 

Complex PTSD shares a common base of symptoms with PTSD, including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and self-destructive thoughts or behaviors. In addition, C-PTSD features a number of symptoms being specific to the condition, including the following:

• Difficulty regulating emotions, which may take the form of severe anger, sadness, or suicidal thoughts.
• Interruptions in consciousness, including periods of dissociation and difficulty recalling events surrounding the trauma.
• Self-perception issues, such as strong feelings of shame, guilt, or helplessness.
• A distorted perception of the perpetrator of the trauma. Those with C-PTSD often have an unhealthy preoccupation with their former tormentor, seeing them as unstoppable and all-powerful. Because someone with C-PTSD likely experienced a trauma in which survival hinged on their interpersonal connection to the perpetrator, they may still be obsessed with that relationship long after the end of the traumatic situation.
• A loss of faith and feelings of hopelessness.
• Difficulties with interpersonal relationships, such as an inability to trust people or a nonstop search for someone to rescue them.

 

Complex PTSD can devastate your Romantic Relationship

If your romantic partner suffers from the effects of complex PTSD, it’s probably taking a heavy toll on their life and well-being in multiple areas. Your romantic relationship may be one of those areas. C-PTSD may make your partner unable to fully trust anyone, even those who are closest to them and that could include you. Your partner may also feel isolated, as though no outsider can understand what they’ve been through; as much as you care about their physical and emotional health and sincerely wish to help them heal.

 

One of the many symptoms of complex PTSD is an ongoing search for a rescuer. During the sustained trauma responsible for creating this condition, your partner may have longed for someone to free them from their situation; even after the traumatic situation has ended, the urgent desire for a rescuer might linger on. If your partner wants you to constantly perform the role of their savior, it can create a strain on your dynamic. While you may find such behavior unsettling or confusing, it’s important to always treat your romantic partner with trust, patience, and understanding.

Professional treatment for complex PTSD takes much the same form as treatment programs for other forms of PTSD, although the symptoms unique to C-PTSD are addressed as well. The intention of treatment is to restore power to the traumatized individual to mitigate the damaging effects of the symptoms and help them reconnect with their everyday life.

If someone you love is receiving treatment for complex PTSD, you may be able to aid in their recovery. Make an effort to learn all you can about your partner’s condition the causes, the symptoms, the effects, the treatment and be prepared to approach them with openness, understanding, and a lack of judgment.

 When your romantic partner has C-PTSD, helping them recover will require empathy, compassion, and gentle support. With your active participation in their professional treatment, you’ll be able to strengthen your romantic bond and help your partner through the healing process.

 

The Old Sailor,