The women of my past.

Dear Bloggers,

Today my mind just dozed off to the past times again and I was trying to memorize the girls that were in my life and made my heart bounce got butterflies in my stomach and eventually most of them broke it. It became a heart with many cracks and my road of love was quite bumpy. Strange enough I never found the answer why they actually left me. I did not have a lot of steady relationships, funny enough I do not have any pictures of the girls that I was with for a longer time. But I still remember the days that my heart broke and my ego got a dent. Until now I am still married to the same women that I call my wife......but is she still interrested in me. You see that I am still in doubt.

Are you still getting strange vibes from the girl that you are with? Or do you feel that she just doesn't seem to care anymore although she does not say it to you? Well there are certain things men do which make women lose interest in them with time. You see but the worst part about this whole deal is that you are getting dumped. Some women would just dump you when they start losing interest in you therefore it is very important to figure out when she's losing interest so that you can work on it and save yourself from getting dumped. Read on to discover these little known ways...



She doesn't laugh at your jokes anymore- Have you had this feeling that no matter how hard you try your jokes are simply not funny to her anymore even when they are funny to other girls? Well if this is the case than she is losing interest in you.

She says she'll call you but never calls- This is another way which proves that she is losing interest in you. You see she would intentionally or unintentionally not call you even when she said she would.

She is always busy all of a sudden- When she starts to lose interest in you she would start finding other things which do interest her. Under this situation she would cut back on the time you spend with her and would always appear busy.

She starts talking about other guys around you- Now this is the worst possible situation you can ever be in as she is not only losing interest in you she is looking for other interesting males and get rid of you.

I all based these on my own experiences. What you don't know yet. Have you as a male ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women?



Take up this challenge men. You conform to a woman that you are really engrossed in. You have an awesome conversation with her, and she even assents to go out on a date with you. Lastly, it seems that your luck is changing in relation to your romantic life! So you're all pumped up about being with her, and you really want to ensure that you make a good notion. You do everything that you hear women saying that they want a guy to do for them.

You take her out to fantastic restaurants, you buy her things, you shower her with compliments and you practice impeccable manners such as: opening the door for her, being a good listener, returning calls, and even calling her every day to convey to her how much you enjoy having her in your life...In the beginning it might be right but do not forget to show your real self.

Why do Women Lose Interest?



Nice is Not Attractive

Woman's natural fascination instinct and how it is what unconsciously determines who she considers to be datable or just companions.

Remember that a woman's attraction instinct is genetically developed to cause her to gravitate towards a man who will meet up with her basic need for safety and security.

So why is she with him?

Given that he makes her feel safe, and that makes him attractive. This does not mean that women are drawn to men who are disrespectful and who mistreat them. But if it's between a nice, soft and sensitive guy and a rough, slightly bad boy... who do you think is going to make her feel safer? Who would you rather carry into battle with you? As counter intuitive as this might sound, it's significant to remember that a person's raw subconscious desires are often unthoughtful and many times completely contradictory to their conscious reasoning.



Just think about all the people who you know that wish to find a better job, lose weight, save money, flirt with women or go after some other goal but they just can't bring themselves to get started.This breakdown to take action is influenced by some kind of a subconscious passion for comfort or safety. After all, most people, both men and women alike, even choose comfort and safety over their own bliss.

This is a clear case of how a person's subconscious hopes drive their actions, while their "beliefs" and their utterances seem to be telling a thoroughly different story. Is it outset to become clear to you why women aren't enticed to "nice" guys, in spite of what they might be telling you?



I still find it hard to understand women. And I still struggle with the question: “why I got dumped” by these women I loved with all my heart. It also has my damaged my confidence quite a bit. And I had almost given up hope to ever start a relationship again, when I met my wife I was nearly five years single as I had totally given up on women.

A broken heart is one of the greatest cruelties that excists.

The Old Sailor,

A day on the lake

Dear Bloggers,


Last friday I had a day off and the neighbors of my inlaws asked if we would join them on a boat trip on the Frisian lakes and watch the final of Skûtsjesilen on the lake (Sneekermeer). Of course as an old sailor I said yes that would be great eventhough the weather forecast predicted rainshowers, my wife was panicking a bit as our youngest daughter should wear a lifejacket. I did not see any problem there as she has her swimming diploma A and the waters are quite shallow in this area.

A skûtsje (pronounced 'skootshuh') is a Frisian sailing boat of the tjalk type, originally an ordinary cargo boat, but today a prized ship and one of the icons of Frisia (Friesland, or Fryslân in Frisian). Skûtsjes were built from the 18th century until about 1930, 12 to 20 m long and on average 3.5 m wide, with a maximum of 4 m (based on the standard dimensions of Frisian bridges and locks).


Skûtsjesilen
Originally an old tradition between cargo skippers, skûtsjesilen has now become a sport. Every Summer the skûtsjes meet to race each other, and much store is set by winning, as the victor will be famous all over Fryslân. Many skûtsjes are supported by villages or municipalities (financially as well, for this is not a cheap hobby!) and sail for the honour of their home town.

The regatta season was opened this year, on one of the smaller Frisian lakes. More to find in Dutch on http://www.skutsjesilen.nl/ Eventhough it was not that gorgeous weather loads of rain and pretty strong wind gusts – during the contest some of the days had to be cancelled. Some were to windy others whitout any wind at all. The race on the Sneekermeer promised a good game as the winds were shifting all the time and a windforce 3 to 5 was there. Although some wished for stronger winds - a splendid time was what we had by all. Neighbor Klaas explained a lot about wind and how you should sail in thes circumstances to my oldest daughter. (she really learned a lot and found the game even more interesting than before.) His wife Jeltje served coffee, soup and breadrolls, we had a very relaxed day.


The Eurokotter 9.50 picture used from http://www.vofhelfferich.nl/

When we got on board, I felt as if I’m the only one chartering an unknown destination. (Yeah, right.) With the cool breeze enveloping me, I close my eyes, grip the sides of the boat and wish that the destination is worth all the troubles that I have at the moment anyway. It is hard for me to except that I am from now on a diabetic and that I should lead a regular life. It is hard to change your life without any stress as everything in your life is turned upside down. I try to enjoy the boat trip as much as I can and after half an hour I start to relax and enjoy the unpredicted beauty of todays weather, nature is gorgeous anyway and the water is pretty calm.

By the time the boat reaches the calm portion of the lake, I thought a smooth ride would finally start. But then the engine starts to power up. The skipper hands the wheel to one of the people that never sailed before and teaches them how to manouvre on the lake between the other boats and what the rules are. Even my wife took the wheel on the return journey and sailed us back into calmer waters. Not all of them are skilled skippers. I felt pretty scared as we ran pretty close to the shore and I had no influence on the steering skills as i was not the skipper, but the reminder to relax gave me an assurance that the situation is under control.



After few adjustments of the skipper, it finally got better. My fear dissipated and I went back to closing my eyes and gripping the side of the boat. A few minutes later, I got a cup of coffee and a good conversation with the skippers wife, now I was sitting comfortably. My eyes were widely open and my hands were loosely positioned at the sides. I started to enjoy the ride. We talked about the boat as it is a lovely little ship with plenty of space. Klaas and his companion are building these ships themselves as it is his daytime job. To give an impression have a look on their website Eurokotter.nl If I had the money I absolutely would have bought one. Maybe in the near future when we have sold our house and I would have a more steady job I can do this. I totally fell in love with the steady sailing and the spacious envirnment of this ship.

I tried to do what the others do; I opened my eyes and loosen up a bit, but my mind is playing games with me. Relaxing is hard work at the moment. Then I saw the beautiful clear line that divides the muddy brown and dark bluish color. I started seeing other boats of different sizes manned by brave men or women. I saw on the shore a few fishing man who caught a big fish, the numerous fans that man the shores to watch the final day of the competition, all the other boats that are anchorred that we are passing by and the crashing of waves against the shoreside.

After an hour of rolling with the waves, we were finally closing in on the spot were we should anchor. The skipper gave me instruction to hold on as he will drop the anchor his wife mans the wheel and I have the lookout position for the other boats at our stern. The skipper has a lot of knowledge about the grounds underneath the ship when he drops the anchor it only takes a few minutes to put the boat in position. As we are only layin on one anchor point the boat drifts around on the wind. When our neighbors behind us run a few metres of extra anchor chain we have nothing that is in our way. After the Skutsjesilen is done we have another cup of coffee and get ready to go on our home journey, after an hour we arrive in the harbour and lay the boat in it’s dock. We say goodbye and thank them for the wonderful trip and drive home. I had a splendid day out and my kids enjoyed the sailing as well.

The Old Sailor,

For what?

Dear Bloggers,

Today I will write about so called senseless violence, it is one of the items that kept my family busy after the horrible news from Norway on 22th of July. We wandered what happens to person that can get so violent without any regrets killing a large amount of people. The attacks on the Twin Towers in New York came out of nothing and without any pre warnings. Several years ago Meindert Tjoelker was kicked to death by a group of drunk guys only because he was telling them that heir behavior was inappropriate. There might be more cases but for me these are stuck in my memories as matters of senseless violence.

One of the problems with any reflection on absurd forms of violence in society is that these thoughts can never be, from a scientific point of view, truly interesting and technical. Before we know it, moral and political considerations and emotions sneak in and objective thought will be overruled by, for example, the indignation over the nature and amount of that violence. For if you start to think about violence, you will soon feel highly involved and at the same time completely powerless. Even if we should be inclined to choose violence in certain cases, when it comes from ourselves, when it is not the raw violence of nature and looks like reasonable action, it always turns out to be bigger and stronger in its consequences and its emotional implications than the one who unleashes violence or approves of it. Merely by thinking about it it is taken out of our own hands.

No matter what we think or how passionately we want to denounce violence as vulgar, immoral or inefficient, it will still occur time after time and we are never neutral bystanders, like when observing the behavior of chickens on a lawn or dogs in the street. Our words are filled with emotions and prejudices. Therefore, I want to restrict my reflection on to a couple of words, with which we appear to try and make sense of an occurrence on which we apparently, despite all of our pretenses, have as little influence as on the weather, but which fascinates us, either annoyingly or amusingly, in a much higher degree.



The quite recent combination of words “senseless violence” mostly seems to relate to something that we, if it did not sound as cynical, could call recreational violence, eventhough it happens in small groups that will kill an innocent guy by kicking him to death as he would try to stop them from demolishing a bicycle, or a large group called supporters which appears predominately around soccer-fields, in amusement halls with violent war games and in so-called action movies, hence on the fringes of social life. But how large, how infectious and how determining of our culture is the contribution of this type of violence as a spectacle in television shows and other forms of relaxation on which we spend a large part of our free time? (My wife is a big fan of these what I call “Murder and manslaughter tv series”.) Do I have an excorsist in the house?



The combination of words “senseless violence” seems to have been specifically invented to qualify this pointless violence as a derailment or at least a singular occurrence, in order to not too suddenly and quite radically, exclude the possibility of a human violence that might be called “sensible”. That not senseless, but efficiently and prudently used violence would be in our control from beginning to end, and a predictable and positive outcome could be expected: order, security, and peace.

Seen from this perspective, the expression “senseless violence” has to create a space for the belief that another, perhaps efficient, meaningful and permissible unleashing of violence might be possible. Taking the soccer game as an example again. There are complaints that some parents being so fanatic that they scare their own children as their fanatism will end up into an escalation of violence as an exercise in power by the lower less responsible persons and that can prevent that by slogans like “soccer is war” a spiral of spectacular, but meaningless recreational violence will start.



Along with more power, the means not only have to be greater in number, but also more effective, and they have to appear less like the force of an aimless explosion, the raw violence of a hurricane or the unrestrained behavior of a rowdy crowd. A government that does not have these available, is not superior and has no more say than any random club.

The result of violence is always characterized by a hail of unintended, incalculable and destructive side-effects sensible, unless of course we read the word “goal” as something military and war-like, “hit” as the destruction of this goal and “use” as the unleashing of every random force that we do not control. In this way, the guillotine could be regarded as an effective mean for relieving headaches, or pulling all teeth as an adequate means against biting nails. (there is a dark sense of humor needed here.)

Seeing a proof of superiority in this seems a bit shortsighted to me: it is rather a manifestation of impotence or inability to link adequate and carefully dosed means. At best we can say that in certain circumstances in a somewhat ritual way we have reserved the authority to exert this impotence or the threat thereof and necessitated ourselves to leave out the, in this context painful, qualification senseless. But the question is wether this is more than a mere verbal and ritual exercise that does not change a thing about the situation itself.

There seem to be at least two reasons why we speak in such hidden terms about all kinds of violence, including that of the government. One is that a start of violence or a display of superiority can cause a shock that may bring people to their senses. (Just think about what happened in Oslo and on Utoya or less recent the 9-11 attacks.)



If you, for example, want to quiet a boisterous crowd, you sometimes have to quickly produce a higher volume of sound than the bothersome murmur you intend to override. This will increase the total disorder, but still the expectation can be that silence will be its effect. There are reasons to believe in temporary violence and in the logic of something like a warning shot.

A second reason not to radically rule out every form of violence as a means has to lie in the fact that to this form of active performing there seems to be but one alternative, i.e. standing by powerlessly. But that alternative has to be rejected more forcefully according the measure in which the organization that would decline from performing it is ascribed greater power or authority.

And if you are supposed to have all capabilities, you will always be guilty when you stand by powerlessly. In an activist culture, one that for the greater part is a culture of violence disguised as sport, as expression, as display of power or as spectacle rather than a culture of peaceful technique and of adequate and subtle means, standing by powerlessly or even the acceptance of powerlessness is always regarded as reprehensible. In the phraseology of that culture it is always better to do something than to do nothing at all or, in military terms less familiar to me: it is better to miss or even obliterate the goal than not to shoot at all. This will inevitably lead to absurd situations.



Even if peace would be no more than the absence of war and violence (but how will we ever know?) and even if it has to be maintained by a power that keeps itself in the background, it would still be preferable as a form of civilization to the outbursts of barbaric violence which we have to witness, happening to our shame, time and time again and on all fronts.

I wish that there would be no more victims of senseless violence but this probably an impossible dream.

The Old Sailor,