Dear
Bloggers,
When
it was time to leave after working late hours, I rushed to my car and
immediately drove home. On the highway, halfway home, the rain began
a heavy downpour. It covered everything on my windshield. The heavy
rain made it so hard for me to see anything in the road. My
windshield wipers could hardly do the job. The radio played Bruce
Springsteen's song Tougher than the rest... I dozed off into memory
lane back to my younger days when I was a Teen and Cowboy movies came
on television. Smoking and drinking were not seen as bad habits. In
my younger days I smoked dark tobacco and yes I rolled my own
cigarettes. Furthermore I worked as a bartender in a local club so
drinking was a common thing as well. And trying some soft drugs was
also part of my youth. Not being afraid of what this could cause to
my health as we did not know anything about the risks because there
was no education about smoking, drinking only about drugs we knew
that the hard stuff like heroin could cause a lot of damage.
I
remember that we got to see the movie Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo the
story of the teenager Christiane F. who got addicted to hard drugs.
This made me realize that drugs could do more damage than what I was
aware of. Still I kept on smoking and drinking for several years as
the only thing that changed over the years is that I became a Sailor.
And yes we all know how sailors are. Well that picture is wrong I can
tell you as the work at sea became in the last decades a more dry
environment. In the last years of my career at sea there was zero
tolerance policy on the ship and that was simply risking your job
when you had to come to the bridge for a breathalyser test. Only
smoking was a hard to stop habit as crew members still could buy cheap
smokes. Some steam engines must have been pretty jealous of me. My
engine was running for many hours a day.
When
I left the ship I was still smoking a lot but as timeshedules became
tighter and it became stressful to find breaks to get a smoke. I
decided to stop smoking and that was easier said than done. Somehow
after a few fails, I succeeded. It is approx. Ten years now that I
stopped and I still can enjoy the smell of smokers that are standing
outside at the station. No my life did not become boring it just made
many changes in a hard way due to my wife falling ill in that same
period. It started all on the day when I slipped on the top of the
staircase and ended up in hospital and they told me that I've been
lucky that didn't break my neck. As my speech was shattered and I
wasn't able to speak any of my foreign languages anymore.
With
some hard work of specialists and some dear friends I recovered and
after a couple of years I was back on the ship again. Something in my
mind had changed and I became a bit of different person and I took
life a bit more serious. When I left the life at sea in 2009 I took
my time to decide what to do next. I got my driving license for the
bus and started the education for commuter buses in the spring of
2010. I still was a smoker but not that heavy as in my sailing days.
Drinking I did only on Holidays and free weekends.
And
then I was after a few years one of the regular temps that worked for
the same company but in a different town. I enjoy still every minute
as this job is bringing as much joy as during my days at sea. I love
to take the mickey out of people and yes I still give service
whenever possible that's just part of who I am. But when the wind is
howling around my bus and rain is smashing in my windshield, the old
sailor in me is waking up and salty water is running through my
vanes. My face is having that special smile towards passengers and
comfort them with the feeling not to worry with me at the
steering wheel. And yes bad weather on the road is sometimes as tough
as bad weather at sea. You only miss the monstrous waves and the
challenge of walking in a straight way. Handling the wheel of bus is
different kind of discipline but still a challenge to stay on the
narrow roads.
The
only thing is when I have to drive home in this kind of weather I am
really being homesick and those days at sea will never return as
slowly but surely I am reaching the days that I growing older and my
kids are becoming the grown ups in this brand new world which didn't
become a lot prettier. They have much more to worry about. Probably
they could not life their lives like I did. As the heating in the
car seat is doing it's job as a lower back pain reliever. I realize
that those days are long gone and my trip down memory lane is the only
thing that I have left. No one will take these memories from me.
Everyday being home is also worth a lot. There will be some nights
that I am driving home in severe weather and my heart is crying a
little bit for not being a sailor anymore.
Even
though the visibility through my windshield was poor due to the heavy
rainfall, I still continued to drive, hoping that I didn't get into
an accident on the road. I knew as soon as the rain would come down
in a more normal way, it will increase my visibility and chances of
getting home safe and sound. Just remember that speed isn't anything
it's the matter of getting there.
The
Old Sailor,
