June 25, 2011

Time is going by pretty fast

Dear Bloggers,

Where has the time gone...it seems like yesterday, the day that you were born, made your fist steps and soon I was sending you off to school for your first day of kindergarten and now you're going to high school...

Just typing those words makes me uneasy and a bit sad. When did my little girl become a teenager? How did this happen so quickly and so covertly?




But more importantly, how do I handle being a dad of a teenage girl and doing a good job at least that is what I hope? Some say it can't be done. Dads and teen girls are just meant to not get along--it is written in the cards, as they say. Strange enough we are having our fights but we are still in speaking terms. No problems there. The fights are heavier between her and her mum.

I am determined to do this teenage thing with her successfully though. But I am scared, what if I fail? What if I fail her? I try to be as reasonable as possible and that is sometimes not that easy.

I worry constantly about her now. I always have, of course, since the day I held her in my arms for the first time. She was then and has always been, fiercely independent. I love this about her, and I am nervous for her because of it.



It is hard to get her to listen to and take advice from me or her mum because of her independent nature. She is less likely to compromise because of this quality. On the other hand she is a very shy and insecure kind of person. And that is a very strange mix. It is kind of scarey this in between woman and child personality.But I hope this characteristics of her personality will also keep her from being easily persuaded by her peers as she gets older and spends more time away from my protective arms (shivers down my spine).

I still see so much little girl in her, she is after all, becoming12, not 16. I want to reach out and grab that little girl that sneaks out once in awhile, does something stupid with a girlfriend, cries when I tell her off and hold her close when she is sad. I see it in her smile when she talks about her latest crush, Ralph Mackenbach (Young dutch artist and goodlooking like Justin Bieber.) I see it in her face when she finds out I am taking her shopping for new clothes. I hear it when she is in her room giggling with her best friend. And it warms my heart. And it makes me sad for I know tides are turning.


Ralph Mackenbach

I see the teenager coming out in her when I catch her looking in the mirror at herself, and not looking happy with the reflection she sees back. (“Sorry for the inconvenience caused by the poor screen quality of this mirror”) I hear it in her voice when she argues with me about school work not interfering with Jazz-dancing (though my point was that jazz-dance was interfering with her school work. See what I mean?) I see the teenage girl in my daughter when she wants the latest issue of Tina a Girlie Magazine, and privacy. LOTS OF PRIVACY.



I am worried about the boys. Not my boys, the other boys that will be coming around soon. I am worried about peer influence, drugs, sex, and boys. I am so scared she will be hurt, confused, and will not come to me for advice as she becomes more a teenager and less a little girl. And the boys. Did I mention I am worried about the boys? (Guys you’ll better be good to her otherwise things might get sore).

I want to hold her tight and not let go until she is, say, about 25. Is that possible?

A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. ~Author Unknown.

The Old Sailor.

June 13, 2011

It rains down on me and I am stil happy

Dear Bloggers,

My head was empty like my bus on the last journey, I was bored and had no inspiration at all.
Until hailstones and thunderstorms came out of nothing it pushed my my mind into the second gear again.



A sudden strike of inspiration. I grab my smartpone and pick up my pen. On such a rainy day the sun has not shone brighter. I look out upon the world with clouds stretching to the end of the sky. I stand in the cold rain but all I can see is the greatness of this beautiful planet that we live upon. All I can feel is the warm feelings of my friends and family. A raindrop falls on my spine and bring chills through my body bringing me back to reality. I look out upon the wet and sad looking world and smile, because the sun will always shine.




I wrote this on the spur of the moment, and I have another poem blossoming in my mind that I want to accompany the pictures I have taken. So here you go, another view into my mind.

As the rain fell from heaven,
And soaked the thirsty earth,
The leaves scorched by the sun,
The flowers their fragrance has gone,

And man thanked and murmured:
'O rain, you are pouring again,
Giving hope and determination,
For me to breath and go on living.'

The earth sprouted with greenery
Showing freshness and calmness,
The leaves swayed in the wind,
The flowers, proud and upright,
Smelled-sweet, expressed delight

Just remember no matter how bad it is, at the very least this insignificant boy you have never met... He still want you to smile and would be willing to take whatever pain you have just for that chance.



The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love to do. One day when we look back, we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition. Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life.



Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence. So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted.

Live life to the edge and I would end with the wise phrase: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

June 9, 2011

No money but loads of future left

Dear Bloggers,

Childhood memories are special for everyone. I have a very happy memory of my childhood and always reminisce it with nostalgia. I was born and brought up in a small family which included my mother, father, brother and my two elder sisters. I have very fond memories of playing in our backyard, climbing trees to pluck fruits at the neighbors garden, going to the park and beach and enjoying life in general. Nobody was worried about the near future and as long we had something to eat, we were not complaining.
My dad was a operator at the coffee factory and my mother a housewife. Of all the memories, one particular memory is very important and taught me the importance of saving some money.


A nostalgic tube radio from my childhood years

Furthermore we had to help out with my dad’s hobby which was sometimes hard labour. In the evening hours we had our meal, a shower and watched some television. Some nights I had to go to bed and had a hard time to fall asleep. On my bedroom I had a nostalgic tube radio. The long copper spring wire was working as antenna and was spanned from one side to the other. Out here I listened to the programmes broadcasted by pirates like Mi Amigo, Radio Caroline and Veronica, sometimes I listened to classic stations from Russia or whatever country it was broadcasted from. The soft glow of the radio gave it somekind of mystic feeling.



We were absolutely not the richest people but we had an ok life. Eventhough my school friends went on holiday to far destinations and spend their money on daytrips, we stayed at home and slept in tents in the garden of the ponyfarm of my dad. I never felt it as a punishment as we grew up in a tourist village. And on saturday we were allowed to go out at a certain age of course. During the summer we earned some money for the food of the pony population as in the winter there was not much going on. Maybe other people found that we were pretty poor but it never bothered me. Only thing that has played my mind that we never ever went somewhere during the days that I at least can remember.



One summer, our family car suddenly broke down. Repair was the first option although it would cost a hell load of money to get this fixed.My father did not earn a very high salary and it was very difficult for us to raise that amount of money suddenly. Luckily, my father and mother had a habit of saving small amount of money regularly. This money was not touched but kept aside in case of emergencies. This amount turned out to be the exact amount required for the new second hand car. We were happy that the crisis had turned out right. Slowly we are getting into a financial crisis and we might loose our house as the mortgage puts on a lot of pressure as I only work 24 to 30 hours a week and that is not enough. My life is becoming a bad soap opera. Yes we are having the Blues, listening to myself saying: “We may be poor and there is nothing left to loose, I love you all with a smile and sometimes a small glass with booze”.


My favourite countrysinger Ilse de Lange

I realized for just a moment today that my life seems more like a country song than anything else now that I have Fibromyalgia. You know… lost my wife nearly, lost my car, lost my job and now we are getting closer that we would loose the house!!! Only it would be more like this: (Let me preface with I am NOT a song writer)

“I Lost My Sanity…Maybe it’s in The Refrigerator?“

You don’t have to touch me today, do you? I hope not, cause I might lose it if you try…You see I can’t take the slightest pat on the backside…get any closer and I might have to cry.

It’s the Fi-i-i-i-ibro it makes me fee-ee-ee-eel like such a wreck! I want a tissue for my nose, it bloody hurts everywhere my feet, my fingers and even my neck

You don’t need a home cooked dinner, do you? If so you’re gonna have to cook it for yourself! It’s alright with me if you do, just to get some rest..an hour or two would be worth all the bitchin that you’re gonna do!

It’s the Fi-i-i-i-ibro it makes me fee-ee-ee-eel like such a wreck! I want a tissue for my nose, it bloody hurts everywhere my feet, my fingers and even my neck

You see…today I lost my phone my keys my car my wife and the little bit of sanity that I had left. Bought a microwave meal and picked up a milkshake at the local drive through of Mc D. I got it all wrong but it seemed so right until I realized I was losing in this fight.

It’s the Fi-i-i-i-ibro it makes me fee-ee-ee-eel like such a wreck! I want a tissue for my nose, it bloody hurts everywhere my feet, my fingers and even my neck

I’m gettin to the end of this little country song, about something that will plague me for my whole life long. I just hope they find a cure before I lose again and find my car keys in the door, my phone in the fridge, my wife where she belongs, and my sanity….well I still haven’t found that one yet!!!!




My children learn to spend money but also how to save a little bit so there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. I learn them to enjoy small things like following butterflies in the garden, going a day to the beach with the whole family or a picknic in the park. Riding our push bikes for short trips through the forrest or even a bbq with some friends can make my day and give that holiday feeling.


It is not that bad today sailor

We were helped by the good habit of saving practiced by my parents. Before this incident, I was a spendthrift and use to spend all of my pocket money. This incident changed my way of thinking. I started to save even a little bit from my pocket money. I took to heart the saying, "Little drops of water makes the mighty ocean." Till today, I save money in whatever way I can. I have impressed upon my children the importance of saving money and have got them to do the same.

The Old Sailor,

May 28, 2011

An ice cold woman or is it our own mistake being a man?

Dear Bloggers,

This week I have been setting my mind to the differences between man and woman. I hear a lot of conversations in my daily life. Most interesting I found this one. It was the frustrating world of two men having a relationship with their wife who was getting frigid. As they were in the same age group as me. It made me wander why women actually ended up in this stage of life? Somehow we forgot that normal men are hunters and women only need a man to protect her kids and get them something to eat. In those days no one knew about veneral diseases and men shagged everything that was suitable. Ok they did not get that old as us but it must have been a fantastic life for men.



To my bewilderment, the more a man tries to entice his wife to be better in bed, the colder she is likely to get. With my own needs screaming within me, a man can be expected to start emphasizing sex, and yet this usually sets off alarm bells within a woman. Despite her husband’s best intentions, she could soon end up feeling devastated, imagining he married her simply because he wanted a legal prostitute!



Men typically dismiss such wifely outbursts as complete nonsense. The sad reality, however, is that the best of us are in danger of lapsing into shallow sex, dragging our wives down with us. Even more disturbing is that we men seldom sense when we are on this decline. Women, on the other hand, tend to be acutely perceptive of what we are really doing to them. The popularity of porn proves this male tragedy. As unbelievable as it sounds, men are capable of so demeaning themselves as to have sexual interaction with ink on paper or electrons in a computer! As if this were not shocking enough, they can engage in this depravity and barely be aware that they are degrading and depersonalizing what was meant to be the pinnacle of interpersonal relations. If so many men can fall into having a sexual experience with a piece of paper, each of us live a knife edge away from sometimes treating our wives as no more than a lump of flesh and not even realize how much we have debased both ourselves and the most precious person in our lives.

The shocking truth is that the most common reason for female frigidity is that their men are not the great lovers they imagine themselves to be.



As an egg cannot burst into life unless it is kept warm, and plants can flower only under the right conditions, so a normal woman can reach the pinnacle of sexual passion and abandonment only if she feels loved, valued, secure, relaxed and physically refreshed.

When, instead of doing more to foster these feelings, a man tries to overcome his wife’s sexual inhibitions by focusing on the physical, she slips from feeling secure and relaxed to feeling pressured to perform. She slumps from feeling valued as a person to feeling reduced to a toy. Under the devastation of this emotionally crippling insult, her sexual passion dries up. Her sex drive will most likely vanish for as many weeks or years as she continues to feel that this is how her husband sees her. On the other hand, if it gradually sinks into the core of her being that she is loved, honored and cherished by her husband, her yearning to sexually thrill him will skyrocket.



Your wife’s passion is the culmination of all the feelings you have generated within her, not just in the last ten minutes, but every time you have been in her presence in the last days and weeks and even months. If a woman is cold in bed, it is usually because the way she is treated outside of bed has left her cold.

In making a woman feel loved, a hug not intended to lead to anything, is worth twenty passionate kisses when is sex on the agenda. When a husband does little to make his wife feel valued except when he wants his sexual needs met, acting like the world’s greatest romantic for what to him are the few critical moments, will not prevent him from being a miserable failure as a lover. Rightly or wrongly, she will feel not loved, but the victim of a cold-hearted con artist who is unconcerned about her and wants only to manipulate her for his selfish gratification.

A woman’s hearing fails if the only time she hears, ‘I love you,’ is during foreplay. To her, the words end up sounding remarkably like, ‘I love conning you into serving my needs.’ And, ‘You’re beautiful,’ begins to sound like, ‘Just forget about your feelings – I have. All I care about is using your body as something to masturbate inside of.’



It’s too late to suddenly transmute into the perfect lover when you want sex. If how you treat your wife then is inconsistent with how you treat her the rest of the time, your attempts to arouse her will affirm not your lovemaking skills but your hypocrisy. The show you put on might be so convincing that you fool yourself into thinking you are loving her, but she will see right through it and feel not loved, but violated. Hypocrites arouse in their victims neither love nor lust but pure disgust. Under those circumstances your failure to sexually arouse her would prove not her frigidity but her intelligence.

A particularly important time for a man to show love is the few minutes immediately after he has been sexually satisfied. At this, the very time when most men feel like sleeping, a hormone is usually released within a woman that heightens her alertness and longing for romance. This makes it a critical time for bonding.

A man does not deliberately create his wife’s coldness. He simply becomes preoccupied with other things and so his wife’s feelings fade from his consciousness. Unfortunately, this preoccupation means his wife has slipped in his priorities. No matter how much we kid ourselves, our priorities are a most revealing measure of the genuineness of our love.



It is generally realized that for good sex most women need genital caressing during foreplay. A common complaint women have about this is that their partners keep pressing too hard. This mistake, however, is merely a symptom of the real problem. At the heart of such matters is that the wife has not taught her husband how to please her. In most cases this can be traced to what is commonly called the male ego – the tendency for a weak man to crumple, pathetically thinking himself a failure, if forced to admit to himself that he knows less about his wife’s sexual feelings than she does.

Let’s face facts. Every woman is unique. No one can become a good lover merely by reading books or from former partners. The only way anyone can learn how to sexually thrill a specific woman is by responding to guidance she gives. Many couples tragically miss out because the woman is too timid to provide the feedback necessary for good sex. Usually it’s because the husband has given the impression that he is that weak sort of male who can never learn from the only person who truly knows how to thrill his wife – the woman herself. If you cannot learn from your wife, you might pass as an animal, but as a husband you are a failure.



What ignites a woman sexually varies enormously, not just from woman to woman, but from day to day. For example, studies have shown that, especially for a woman not on the pill, male body odors that disgust her most of the time arouse her at a certain point in her menstrual cycle. Likewise, what visually appeals to her sexually varies according to the time of month.

You can only get to know your wife’s sexuality the same way you get to know her personality – from her, not from books or videos or guesswork. Getting inside her body without getting inside her mind will end up a hollow experience for both of you.

Ok...Let’s Get Practical

Treat your computer as a football and you won’t have a computer for long. You might keep the pieces but it will be incapable of meeting your computing needs. A few seconds’ fun would turn you into a loser. Treat a wife like an inflatable doll and you won’t have a wife for long, even if you still have the pieces.



Many of the most significant things in kindling a woman’s sexual feelings are quite different to what makes a man feel like sex. The average man can see the link between maintaining a car and that car’s performance, but he seldom sees the link between maintaining his wife’s awareness of his love and his wife’s sexual performance.



Here are pointers as to how to help a woman know she is loved. From this will flow astounding benefits, including bringing her to the peak of her sexuality.

Praise her. Regularly find things you like about her physical appearance, her character and her abilities, and verbalize your admiration. Appreciate all that she does for you and freely express your gratitude.

Consult your wife before making decisions. Share your plans and dreams with her. Be open and honest with her about every aspect of your life.

Realize that for your wife to be the full woman you need her to be, she needs close women friends. Don’t feel threatened by this. It is part of what makes her a woman. You married her because she is a woman, not a man, so let her be the full woman she is.

Regularly ask her such things as:

* What can I do to make you feel more loved?

* What can I do to boost your confidence and help you feel good about yourself?

* What can we do to make sex more exciting and fulfilling for you?



Perhaps you are scared to ask such questions for fear she will say something like, “Help more around the house.” Be brave! If this really is high on her priorities for feeling loved, then it is important. More is at stake than a bit of housework. It touches her emotional well-being and your entire marriage. Only she knows the critical elements in making her feel loved.

It is not easy to be a modern man and please a woman her needs.

The Old Sailor,

May 22, 2011

Again Nothing Happened in my life

Dear Bloggers,


By now you will have probably heard that last Saturday (21-May-2011 for future historians) is the beginning of the end, the rapture. Don’t panic, please conduct yourselves in an orderly manner at the appointed time. I recommend congregating in open spaces with no overhead power lines or air traffic. Safety first.


Ok that’s enough fun. I have seen a number of stories regarding this alleged event and while many make note of the fact that the main promoter of this year’s doomsday has been wrong before I have not yet seen anyone attempt to put this latest foretelling in historical context. By one estimate there have been at least 275 end of the world predictions in the last two thousand years. 116 of those were predicted for the years 2000 to 2010. Hmmm.......Why were they all wrong and why had these people so many followers.

That’s a whole lot of wrongness right there. Those guys couldn’t have been more wrong if their name was W. Wrongly von Wrongenstein.


One of the more remembered failed apocalypses was the one predicted by William Miller for 1843. Offshoots of this group became the Seventh-day Adventist Church once the predicted day came and went without incident. Strange that it ended up in a new form of religion again.

While that is a memorable one in “recent” times, end of the world predictions go back to the first century. The writings attributed to Paul the Apostle, if read literally, imply that the end of the world would occur sometime in the first century. At least within the writer’s lifetime. As this obviously didn’t happen room was left for subsequent predictive hopefuls to insert their own dates for the apocalypse.


Here is a (small) sampling:

· Pope Clement I predicts the world could end at any time ~90CE
· Sextus Julius Africanus predicts Armageddon for 500CE
· John of Toledo Predicts the end of the world in 1186CE
· Pope Innocent III thinks the last date is 1284CE
· Gerard of Poehlde predicts the end of the world date to be 1306CE
· Melchior Hoffman thinks the real date is 1533CE
· Benjamin Keach put’s his money on 1689
· Charles Wesley (one of the founders of Methodism) goes for 1794CE as the date.
· The Jehovah’s Witnesses First predicted 1914 as the date to remember.
· Pat Robertson predicted 1982. This and other failed predictions do not seem to have dimmed his popularity in some circles.
· Peter Ruckman (an Independent Baptist Pastor) calculated the date to be around 1990-ish. Other than that he is a completely reliable source.
· The year 2000 alone had about 32 predictions of the “End Times” to contend with. We’re lucky to have made it out of that year alive. Or not.


Most disturbing is the number of Americans who believe that we are actually living in the end times. This specific prediction is laughed off as being naive or false teachings but the concept itself is embraced. Harold Camping may be ridiculed but the only thing that is fringe about his beliefs is that he dares put a date on them. Now that’s scary stuff right there. Think about that and try not to have your opinion of humanity lowered just a little.

Quite frankly, when I decided a few of weeks ago to post about this after the date predicted I had no idea that this would be taken up by the media to such an extent. Just goes to show; Harold Camping was “hot news”on Friday the 20 May. Her you are seeing it that any crazy thing can be news worthy – given a low enough threshold of “news”. Also Twitter had many tweets on this item.

Still, some good may come of all this hysteria. If we take the opportunity. If some research psychologists out there are willing to exploit the disappointment that is bound to strike the adherents of this belief we may gain some insight into the workings of the human mind. While it may seem like there is no overlap between you and those that hold the Earth to be ending soon the mechanisms that they use to deal with the eventual disillusionment are the same that help you function in everyday life.


Everyday we must reconcile the actions we take with the self image we have created. Sometimes this is easy, I’m a good person so I help out my co-workers when they are having trouble. Sometimes we run into difficulty; I’m honest but I also lied to my dad about being busy. Discrepancies like this can cause us discomfort.

Those who wake up today May 22nd to the realization that they are still here will have to do some fancy mental footwork to fit their belief in a failed prediction into the image of themselves as intelligent, rational people. Rich fodder for investigation into the human psyche.

By some estimates Harold Camping’s media empire is in control of millions of dollars worth of assets. How much of this will nice old Mr Camping be willing to part with in order to help those who have lost everything because they trusted him?

The depressing part is that the inevitable failure of this prophecy will have absolutely no impact on those who fancy themselves end of the world prognosticators. People will continue to generate beliefs based on untestable propositions. Those people will continue to influence others to their detriment. Ok let us go on with life than.

The Old Sailor,



May 19, 2011

Silent killer called Cancer

Dear Bloggers,

In my life there is an other person that struggles with the horrors of a partner who is dying of cancer. I guess that most of us know someone either closely related or far away like someone at work. But the feelings and the thoughts are turning around your stomach. Maybe you can imagine that someone you love will die slowly from cancer this disease is taking him or her out slowly.


Text : Stand hiker and read, who's remains are lying here, just remember that sooner or later this fate will hit you too

As a young kid, I have always had this naïve idea of what death was. Especially the kind that is preceded by illness. Hollywood portrays it as some thing that actually draws people together around some common cause – that of helping the ill one ease their last days here/ Wow, have I found that to not be true. One, what if you don’t die right away? All these people come together with that one cause, which doesn’t really exist for weeks, months or maybe years.














I know of one person’s husband who had cancer, and was “dying” of it for 2 years! That is a long time for someone given two months and what about the rest of the family, these must be though times. How many times can you say goodbye? Furthermore, as the ill one, how long can you go on being teased by death with the promise of all it brings in the afterlife, only to continue to have to endure earthly pains, joys, struggles, and all that? For example he was given 2 months to live initially. At that 2-month mark, he had been through a terrible bout with chemo, and actually looked forward to more, if it was going to make me better in the end. Well, it didn’t and wouldn’t. I respected this Though decission of him: “I will have no chemo any more, or any other treatment”. The goal is to keep me comfortable as long as possible. “Hey, I am not in pain”. However, we have experienced some bodily changes that caused me to see and experience you differently – and the treatment for each of these, has proven to be helpful in accepting all the discomfort.



The docs were surprised at how “well” you were doing. Your spirits are high – no, you are not awaiting a miracle or some other magical cure. You are not going to Mexico for alternative treatments. It is simply just waiting. Had a great discussion tonight with my partner about how life gets us to decisions. Do we make several “perfect” decisions that get us to the right place….or is life really just a serious of millions of smaller decisions that move us all over creation to get us to where we are. In truth, I have always fancied myself to have the “right” answer – eventually. Yet, when I look back on my life, I see a set of random, spontaneous decisions that have given me the richest set of experiences. Not goal oriented at all! And the ones that I have tried to carefully orchestrate have been the most frustrating or forces. Then there are those things about which I have actively made the little and big decisions to NOT deal with. Those are the most frustrating and disappointing in that they always come back to bite you. They are the lessons that life keeps giving you over and over until you hopefully learn them. I am just not that bright.


Shocking news when they tell you that your time is nearly up

I knew years ago that my father had control issues with me. That is fine as a youngster. But, not as a 43 year old, otherwise successful, man. I still let myself get manipulated, shamed, guilted and yes, controlled, by him as I am still the youngest of the family. I am a strong, smart, successful person in most walks of my life, and plenty independent overall. Yet I cave at the idea of having to stand up to my father as everything I did was out of line, not really structured or at least not steady as a family income. At least my life has not been boring at all. I know that he is afraid that I would make more funny moves like going back to sea again. Strange as I have no fear of dying at all.



I guess it all gets back to those dying days. Or my friends dying days. He said: “I am not yet dead, and have a chance to continue living – with all of life’s challenges – until I get a few of these left over lessons right. And I won’t get it right once. I have to get it right many times, over and over, and I will still mess up. I can apologize to all those I have hurt. It may or may not be enough. I can own my part in what has gone wrong – that through my inaction I caused. It may not be enough”.



You have the “gift”, he was told, of knowing that he was going to die imminently, but nobody knows how long that will be. “Honestly, I felt cheated that I had to live longer than my expected 2 months”. He told me one day these words made a deep impact on me. We are so used to getting the right answers that we expect 2 months nothing more and nothing less. After he got over the fact that he had “beaten” that deadline, I realized that he had fully geared up to leave.



But, I have time left to really tie up some loose ends, to say heartfelt goodbyes, to try to repair some of the behaviors I have resented in myself – those which have unintentionally hurt others around me that I love. Can I do that? We’ll see. It’s totally up to me. Will the loved ones accept it from me? We’ll see. If it would hit me than I don’t have a lot of time or chances to get it right this time.

The Old Sailor,

May 13, 2011

My mobile teenage kid

Dear Bloggers,


Today I am going to write about my “mobile hooked” teenage daughter. A few years ago we gave her a mobiole phone so she could reach us whenever it was needed. And yes stupid us (the parents) did not change her account as she was not using it for anything else yet. When I got the last phone bill I nearly got a heart attack. I explained to her that everything she does is costing us money and yes she could have asked us if it was ok that she was using internet on her phone and that she was texting a lot with her friends.



We had a tough conversation with the three of us. (my daughter, my wife and me) I explained to her that she had been using her phone so much the last month and in cash she used what I would be doing in a whole year. We agreed that we should look for a more suitable contract and a different phone that can log on to the modem at home. Further the phone will be used only during the day and at bedtime it will not go to the bedroom. I will not have a teenager in my house who is on call 24/7. As I have met already several teens that are completely hooked to their cell phones. And yes I understand that living in the countryside as a teenager is bloody boring. Is there anything that you can do in their empty life?


Lack of sleep gives this effect

Teenagers! Always on call. Especially here in this small towns with “nothing to do”, where many of them—we’ve come to discover thanks to the good old fashioned local newspapers —sleep with mobile phones under their pillow. Important texts (“Seeing if you’re awake”) simply cannot be missed!

Teenagers are texting all the live long day and continue to do so even when they enter their Twilight-covered sleeping chambers for what sounds like the most restless, unproductive, vibration-under-the-pillow sleep I’ve ever heard of:

At home my nearly twelve year old daughter did the same she slept with her mobile phone under her pillow so she doesn’t miss “emergency” texts – “like if a friend broke up with her boyfriend.” Her schoolfriend is doing the same and is also available for urgent overnight correspondence, such as, “Hey, seeing if you’re awake.” My daughter produced and got as many as 100 texts while in bed. “I just don’t feel like myself if I don’t have my phone near me or I’m not on it,” she said. (We did not know it and explained her that there is more in real life.)



This semi-sleep is being dubbed “on call” by teens, parents and doctors at the local Hospital in Heerenveen, where they are seeing an alarming number of inexplicably exhausted children admitted for evaluation. Yes, you read that correctly! Kids these days are texting so often they’re actually disrupting Stage 4 REM sleep. This is the same stage of sleep that’s important for processing the day’s learning experiences so, yes, in this case mobile phones literally are affecting children’s brains and making them dumber.

And lest you think this is just that I am trying to create a trend out and that I am a grumpy old and irritated bus driver than I can tell you, it’s not! The Central Bureau for Statistics, which is an organisation in the Netherlands that researches things, reports that in a 2010 study on teen mobile phone usage, four in five teens reported sleeping with their bedazzled Blackberrys and iPhones or other kind of Smartphones next to their beds. Some even reported falling asleep with the device still in their hand. Can you imagine how that last one went down?


Application called Data Counter

“Dear Jenny, it’s Kelly. Can you believe Rob? I mean OMG WTF!1!. Did you see how he was looking at…” Zzzz…

Holy crap, Kelly! Wake the fuck up! We need to know what Rob did with what’s her face! Stop sleeping! That’s a sign of weakness! And yes, weakness was purposefully chosen, by me, for that sentence, for this reason:

Sometimes teens answer late-night calls and messages less out of excitement than fear. In focus groups convened by the CBS, some teens related stories of friends or acquaintances who became angry or insulted when text messages or phone calls weren’t immediately returned. “As a result, many teens we heard from said they feel obligated to return texts and calls as quickly as possible, to avoid such tensions and misunderstandings,” the report said.


Application Kiwi to keep track of mobile usage for € 0.99

The data only gets worse from there. A medical centre study found that teens average 33.5 emails and texts per night and are often woken from a sound sleep by a message.They discovered that teens sending more than 120 texts per day were more likely to get less than the recommended eight hours of sleep per night and doze off in class.

I’l end this little tirade with what must be the saddest quote from a teenager I’ve read in a long, long while, take it away:

“When I’m texting someone I don’t feel alone. When you don’t have your phone, you feel incomplete.”

OMG (omg means Oh My God) what the hell is happening. You know another way you can not be alone? By standing next to a real, live person and talking to them. Also, where the heck are the parents?



The names I used are fictive just to give you an idea of what teens are chatting about, as I do not like to see anyone being harmed by their parents as they might read this blog. And that is absolutely not the plan. I think that we as parents should learn and read more about how our kids are growing up in a fast and dangerous mobile and internet world. Our lives were in that case a lot simpler those days. At least try to keep track of what your kids are doing and try to keep track of their costs. I made a plan with provider KPN to keep track of data and text usage with some simple to install Android apps and of course we have changed her contract which can be adjusted every month.

Try to be a good mobile parent and explain to your teenager kid that things you do cost money. In Dutch we would say: “De zon komt op voor niks en gaat zinloos onder.” I will try to translate The Sun rises for nothing and will go down useless.

The Old Sailor,

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