Fear of falling with the bike.

Dear Bloggers,



















I have found a new remedy to keep myself in motion, the fun in it overrules the pain.
And it is great to see that your own daughter is fighting the stabillity issue.
Somedays I have to take it easy as the pain has the lead, but as soon as I can we go for a ride.
She understands perfectly that daddy can not get of his bike so quick and that she has to listen careful to what I tell her to do. If we enter a crossing I learned her to stop and get of the bike.
One of the biggest problems for my daughter is to concentrate as she is sometimes more occupied with talking to me where she should actually focus on her biking.










As you can sense, my daughter of 5 would love to learn how to ride a bicycle, she bikes, but is very afraid to fall. She is now cycling with supportwheels, but to stop and particularly the getting 'on and away' cycles are difficult because she is afraid to fall sho she is getting cramped and worried. However, she is very persisting to learn it and she loves to go biking with me. It is as if her confidence is lacking in her physical capabilities, what she physically can, purely in terms of cycling, stabillity is still her enemy. She notes if she has that under control, it is good. What remedy (s) can I give to support her so that she can learn to trust in herself because fear is a bad adviser.



Possunt, quia posse videntur
(They can do it, as they are convinced that they can do it.)


The Old Sailor,

Am I losing it?

Dear Bloggers,

The question is: am I losing it?

As all these doctors keep on telling me that I am overweight, something that they have been telling me for years now and nobody is taking action.
So I went to a dieticien to find out what I should do differently eatingwise.
When it is sunny I don't have many problems although people selling ice cream are very nice people, and with two young kids it is hard to get past them.




I am doing my best but sometimes I have to give in, most of the time I am strong enough to say no.
On rainy days I am facing the hard times, but when I feel for a snack I go for fruit now.
But of course all the bad things are still there as my kids still get candy, crisps, cookies and so on.(they don't have to suffer.)


People around me are telling me that I am getting a bit slimmer and I promissed the dietician to leave the weighingscale for what it is.
Checking all the time does not make you happier she said but can actually make you very frustrated.
Listen to your heart and the people around you that should be enough.
So from that point of view I have to think that losing 40 kilos is not going to be that easy.















Today is one of those days, feeling down, feeling blue, nothing clicks for me. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my life seems so boring.
Nothing is really wrong, just this overwhelming feeling of nothingness and unacceptable hunger attacks.
Let’s see if I can find 10 things in my life that are not nothing but everything.















1. I have a roof over my head, our house is dry inside, warm inside and houses me and my family really well.
2. My daughter is walking around sniffing her nose, last signs of the cold she had this weekend. She smiles at me and gives a kiss.
3. The laptop is working very well, it gives all support in writing the blog and never complains of me hitting his keys.
4. People look at my blogs, read articles and leave comments. Blogging is connecting most of all, leaving comments is connecting.
5. Finding my voice in writing is becoming easier. Every time I type the word ‘think” I begin feeling again. This way my posts are from the heart rather than the head. My head can be emptied by listening to the heart.
6. I had a good sleep last night and already had two delicious cappucino’s! Mind you, some days coffee makes my day.
7. Vision, I can still see with both my eyes even though the vision in my life is not always that clear. [Can you see how I am going to be negative again, what a habit.]
8. In Midspringtime my garden is already flowering. Midspring is cold, rainy and not the time for the flowers to come out. Midsummer is still a long way to go at least that is what it looks like at the moment.
9. I just found this quote: ‘If I know what love is, it is because of you.’ by Hermann Hesse.
10. I get inspiration by reading about how to connect with other people through the net and end up on total different pages again.




There was a really good chance of rain today but it didn't rain.
It amazes me how rainy days affect my mood.
I was all prepared for the onslaught of a torrential rain and it didn't happen.
The Weather Man says its coming tonight and tomorrow, and I will try again to prepare myself for the sleepy, drowsy, weepy mood rain puts me in.
I don't know why rain affects me that way but it does, another thing I need to learn to deal with.
I may never learn to love the rain, as many times rain means pain but I will learn to live with it.
And I will learn to dance in the rain eventhough I am not that rhytmic.
I have so many bad eating habits that affect me like the rain,when I allow these habits to creep into my life they overwhelm me.

Sometimes I am afraid of losing the battle but I keep fighting myself like Don Quichotte fought the windmills.
I am going to strive to overcome these habits.

This quote sits on my computer where I can see it every day, how often I forget these words.
" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain"















Let us wait for the sun to come out even it is only for five minutes, enjoy living in a different way as the good old days are lying behind us.
I walk towards the sunset and know that I will never make it to the end of the horizon.

The Old Sailor,

Homesick

Dear Bloggers,

I have been to the hospital again on the second of June, and had a few tests condition wise to check if there is anything in my lungs.
The next step is a CT scan and a bloodtest on different features again after the results or the bloodtest are known, they will call me for the scan. According to the lung specialist it is a very little chance Sarco but to be 100% sure they will make a scan.
I hope to be able to tell you more in a few weeks after the scan but the future looks a bit better
And now it is time for another story.



Homesick we are going to call it.
Although I enjoy being with my family, I do miss work somedays. It is not that I am not enjoying myself but you can call it a kind of homesick. I have been so used to my life on board that it is sometimes hard to find a bit of time for myself. On board I have my own cabin where you can be on your own and sit down and relax for a while.

My eldest daughter had to go on a overnight school journey and to my surprise she was feeling homesick. She is normally the one that is very independant and is not afraid to try new challenges. She probably just missed the idiotic jokes of her dad and the calmness of her mum. But it gives you as a parent on the other hand a good feeling, your child is missing you and her home. We cannot be all of us Nomads and travel through the desert of this dry and dull life.



Furthermore I find it hard to get used to the people around me that have a routine of weekends and working days. Especially now the holidays are coming they start to panic as in about four weeks they have to go and travel. (they all go run around like Kevin from the movie home alone) When they ask me if I have made any plans about where we should go, I have to tell them no. My daughters and me have been discussing where we should go this year and booked a hotel on the internet for a few days. We are not that hooked on campings or holiday parcs as we are not average tourists. We are just going there for a few nights and discover our surrounding when we are there. We are not really holding on to a budget as I do not want to think about money at all. I normally book a all inclusive holiday as that is the easiest and you don't have to search for a place to eat. Lunch of course we do on our way.



My family does not have any panic, we just pack our stuff that we need and see all surprises as a challenge. We just hop in the car and drive to our destination and even that has become easier as the navigation system leads us in 90% of the way. But one thing is for sure we are never in hurry and every two hours we switch places so we can enjoy the surrounding. I have never understood that the man has to drive the whole way, as this is leading to extra stress and a higher change on accidents.
Last year we did trips into town and left the car behind at the hotel, when you travel by public transport there is no stress as we have all day and no shedule. We just hop on a bus or tram and ask the locals what is good fun to see or to do. Better tourguides you cannot find as they know the city and tell you where you can find nice pubs and cosey restaurants where you can go for lunch. First of all your not in between the massive tourist crowds and the prices are quite normal. We are on a real adventure trip as we are not having many set goals, we just end up somewhere and learn a lot on our field trips.



When you ask the locals you find great little places like museums, playgrounds which are not on the tourist maps as they are not rich enough to go in the brochures are just being on the outskirts of the city. Strange enough none of us is being homesick, also my wife is enjoying her free days as we both take care of the kids. The kids are having a few basic rules to stick too, but for the rest they are free to play are whatever they are planning to do. So for everybody that needs to go on a holiday soon, remember to relax. Make sure that you are on a holiday too. Otherwise it is useless to go anyway. Do not make your schedule too tight and take care of your families safety all the time but do not overreact.

It is not you that is sick, it is all the others around you.

The Old Sailor,

We need a bit of luck and happiness in our lives.

Dear Bloggers,

One of my best mates is bullied at work, very audible as mature people act like infants. However, it got me to think, why does it give such a mental chant ?
So here are a few tips for the victims, or should I tell them cheer up and start to look at the bright side of life:




1. Luck: What exactly is happiness and how to obtain it?
Luck or should we call it happiness it is like a butterfly, all of sudden it is there and the next moment it was gone.
And that's good because fortunately these are moments that you should remember.
It is not constant, because then you would not sense it anymore.
It is like your norma surrounding. If you are being there every day, you're eyes would not catch the beauty of it anymore.
If you are going there on holiday it is new and you see how beautiful it is.
Luck, has to touch a string in you.

To obtain luck or happiness you have to leave something or to do something and that is precisely the intention of it.
You need to do something for it.
It is also your luck so you know yourself how to obtain it.
Maybe not always consciously, but unconsciously you know.

Happiness or luck is personal, feel inside yourself or go for it, do it or look for it, because most happiness you get trough looking and feeling.
You also need to be a more feeling person from deep within yourself and bring those feelings out.
Everyone has luck within him or herself, but you have to dare to show it to the outside world and dare to believe in yourself that it is there for you.
It is not needed to be big things that make you happy and feel good.
Happiness or luck is an intense love for yourself in a loving environment or situation.
So it is not about the other but about yourself.
Everyone must work for his own happiness, then you will get a confluence of the happiness of each other that radiates an intense love so very happy to be great for everyone.
As a large waterfall that starts small and grows.



2. Intense Living:
The weather here is nice and sunny so naturally we should exchange some ideas on paper.
See that butterfly, he lives an intense and short but he lives as if it was his last day.
He enjoys the sun and even the rain.
For example, you should live like it is your last day.
Not really, but intense, try it, but it will still not be easy.
And of course you do not want to think that it is your last day, but intend to live like it.
Look at people who are seriously ill, as they live there life if it depends on it.(an expression of your own, Old Sailor).




3. Anxiety and satisfaction:
But there are many more important things in your, and my life that are absolutely worth it.
That fear is and that is something we don't have but you do and that is actually a wrong thought or feeling, because you are being influenced by that fear and loose all your energy in it.
That is it, you lose energy with it and you have to get this from somewhere else again and where do you get that from?
So try to be the boss over your fear.
As you get this already during your childhood.
Fear is the greatest enemy of human happiness, it can even be in the way of your happiness if you let fear dominate.
Learn to deal with it in certain situations that require courage of you.
If you are overwhelmed by fear discarding a portion against love and talk to your friends.
You know that helps.
But you must itself begin to overcome.
This is another step to happiness and satisfaction.
Oh, yes, satisfaction, even something.



4. Lessons of life:
Oh dear, life is too good and too interesting to ignore it and let things lie around.
You say: that you onlylive once, that is an expression and life at the moment is of course only once, but you take so much with you to the next lives.
And the next time now on earth or anywhere else, it does not matter.
So see it as little things that you meet in life, and sometimes undergo.
Although it is not always fun, later you are proud of it, that you had to do this and you will see what you have learned out of this.
Life, whether you live your or our lives, and the lessons are very beautiful lessons that is something that you can take from me.



5. Old and enjoy:
Just as you think if someone is 80 that his time is coming soon.
This is a brainwashing.
You people should also not so busy and concerned with your age.
Age is not important.
It is not how long you've lived but how you have lived.
You may become very old but if you are 100, but had no fun in your life, you have reached the 100 but it also makes no sense.
Then you better become 60, but have enjoyed every minute of it.
Enjoy what you have and everything you are experiencing in life and that "you" does not include the stuff that you have, but what you have around you, the overall picture, people, friends, children, the place where you live, the whole, enjoy it. And the small precious moments of intense luck or happiness enjoy it and remember for what you are living.
You live to enjoy, not to be annoyed.
Enjoying makes life so much more precious, fuller and happier but you usually do not make any time free for it, or you normally run very hard past it.



As I wrote last time: And I think what messes us up the most is that we all have this perfect picture of the way things should be.. Well there will never be a perfect picture. The advice from my side is don't let your head hang down and fight this crazy situation as long as you believe in yourself, you will be someone.
So turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.

The Old Sailor,

Slowly we are getting somewhere!

Dear Bloggers,

Do I have to call myself a “sick” man?
I went to the rheumatologist this week and it was getting a bit closer to a verdict, at least it is not rheuma, but on the x-ray of my lungs there were some doubts and I will be send to the next specialist.
On the second of June, I have an appointment with the lung specialist.
To do some more tests and hopefully to elimenate the Besnier - Boeck disease.
This disease is also quite good in hiding, although if you get the granulomas on your skin they are pretty obvious, I would say.
I have just been wandering why this disease is so hard to figure out, as we are having so much knowledge in this western society.
Oh... for crying out loud can somebody tell me what is going on.
I found the following item on the wikipedia site.(this is pretty depressing, nice stuff for rainy days.)





Sarcoidosis (sarcoid = sarcoma-like, -osis = a process), also called sarcoid or Besnier-Boeck disease, is a multisystem disorder characterized by non-caseating granulomas (small inflammatory nodules). The cause of the disease is still unknown. Virtually any organ can be affected; however, granulomas most often appear in the lungs or the lymph nodes. Symptoms usually appear gradually but can occasionally appear suddenly. The clinical course generally varies and ranges from asymptomatic disease to a debilitating chronic condition that may lead to death.





The cases that it leads to death are not even 5% but it seems to be difficult to diagnose it.
Maybe it might be more positive if they can elimenate sarcoidosis it will be diagnosed as fibromyalgia, a very painful but not destructive disease.
(anyway I will be placed on a course together with my wife how to deal with the pain and how to deal with practical things in life.)
Also for my partner is this a complete turn around and she will have to learn to help me in so many different ways.
As it will be difficult for the both of us to deal with the fact that I cannot do certain things in life anymore and she has to offer a helping hand.





Fibromyalgia (new lat., fibro- fibrous tissue, Gk. myo- muscle, Gk. algos- pain), meaning muscle and connective tissue pain (also referred to as FM or FMS), is a disorder classified by the presence of chronic widespread pain and a heightened and painful response to gentle touch (tactile allodynia).[1] Other core features of the disorder include debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness.

I was also send to dietician to loose some weight and get another style and rythm of eating.
As soon as they have diagnosed what it is, I will be send to a fysiotherapist to learn to move in the right way and have breaks in between and to force myself to rest, eventhough I have a good day.





It is great to finally know what it might be, but on the other hand it is scarey.
Thank god the sun is shining on this cloudy medical future.
Well let me end with the following qoutes:"That pain doesn't hurt me, neither does life, it doesn't matter what happens, I will survive!" and "I think what messes us up the most is that we all have this perfect picture of the way things should be.. So turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you."

The Old Sailor,